a blissful week

i really need to get back into blogging; so this is my attempt at being better :)
we got a new devotional last week, called "when sinners say i do"...it is SO GOOD. pretty much a mark driscoll type of "kick you in the butt" marriage book. every day we read a chapter out loud and pray together. its been so great! tonight we are hanging out at starbucks because we don't have internet yet, then i get a night off cooking (though husband has been cooking too) cause we are getting pizza :) The Lord is definitely teaching us about trust. With Drew still looking for work for now, we have been cutting back financially in a lot of areas (cough cough..my online shopping!), and it's definitely been an adjustment. We are praying through our options, especially because i will be quitting my job most likely when i start work at Prov on Jan 3rd. We are learning a ton about trust, needless to say! :) God is so faithful to provide and we are headed off to LA next week to enjoy a fun honeymoon; a gift from our precious friends Wes, Chelle, Mal, and Kevin. We are so thankful. I've been missing our Bama family and friends lately, i hope we can make it out there to visit soon. That's all for now. Pics to come ;)

xoxox
mrs aspinwall

Mr and Mrs. Aspinwall

We were married Dec 11! It was a beautiful fairy tale, with 250 people and all our family. We are so thankful!

We are settling into married life, in our cute little apartment, with our first christmas tree and loads of lovely wedding gifts.

We leave tuesday for DISNEYLAND and California Adventure, a gift from some precious friends.

We love being married!

Thankful

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

We are thankful for our family, our friends, and our upcoming wedding!

Soli deo Gloria!

hello november.

im sitting in psychology, trying desperately to avoid listening, because i really dislike this class. although i am barely trying, i am getting between 83 and 97 percent on every assignment, including the midterm, so clearly it requires little effort!

i am pouring myself into nursing school however, and am holding strong to an A , which hasnt happened in an few terms. No matter how tired I am, I somehow am managing to get an A on everything. miracles never cease.

it is almost christmastime. okay, not really. but i believe in skipping thanksgiving and going straight to christmas! :)
with 40 days to go until the wedding, definitely way too much to do, but its slowly getting done. the first round of invitations went out this last weekend, to our industry friends (it was a liiittle surreal addressing one to mac powell :) and the second round will go out this weekend. my wedding shower is sunday, and i cant wait to see all my wonderful friends. they are lovely!
sadly, i tried on my wedding dress and ahem...i gained some weight. not alot, but enough to make it...um...not close. yep. talk about a crisis! i have to eat salads for about a month. and hit the gym. hard. thanks to my mom, she can alter it a little so it fits better. no more halloween candy for me. i told you it was sad!

my photographer is amazing, and we are sooo happy we chose alisha! she is phenomenally talented and so sweet. my florist decided not to do my flowers this last weekend. although i was upset about this, we will justhave to find another one. sigh.oh well! it will all get done! because...well, it has to:)

drew is still looking for a job...unfortunatley the job market isnt great. a job opened up in montgomery, and it was hard to see that it would have been perfect. but cest la vie...we made the decision for him to move here and we know it was the right one. God will most definietly open the best one up, and we have to trust :)

Thats all for now. xoxo

october goodness!

the month is almost over and i am trying to like fall. really. its taking a massive effort, but i'm trying. i just am a summer kind of girl...and if it werent for boots and pumpkins, i would just skip fall altogether! :)

here we go!

FIFTY DAYS TO GO! we're counting down the days to our wedding! and it's coming way faster than i can handle...!
between school, my jobs, wedding stuff..things are getting pretty hectic. but its all good things...i picked up my wedding shoes yesterday! we meet with the pastor marrying us on saturday. can't believe its almost here!

wish list

fellow blogger addi did this on her blog, and it was kindof fun. both of us have begun a very un-fun but needed budget overhaul. this means less money for fun clothes (that neither of us need!!!) and more money for you know, things like rent and food and the bluetooth i have needed for about five months. haha!

so we are making wishlists of things that we can either save up for, or just dream about :) maybe writing about it will help curb my cravings...


well this one is maybe in the budget...LIFE AS WE KNOW IT..new movie i really want to see! so maybe when drew is home :)



natalie kim dresses for gamedays. i love this, but i bought fabric for 20 dollars and am gonna make it myself. plus, in oregon, its cold by football season. if i was in a sorority in auburn, it would be worth the hefty $145!



ALL SEASONS of grey's. i'd love to own all of them. favorite show ever! but at 40 dollars a season...maybe not yet :)



not gonna lie...love these steve madden pumps. thinking i may splurge on them for graduation shoes in june! :)



This beautiful jacket is of course, Anthropologie. i love it's ladylike silouette, but the price tag of 149 isnt in the budget for now!



This coach tote is exactly what i want for work...it can stow my macbook air, camera, and my wallet and still look stylish.

Update

What a week! Things have gone from 0-60 it seems like! With under 60 days until our BIG day, things are starting to become busier! School has hit a ridiculously fast pace, but so far I'm keeping my head above water. This past week my company, Wonderment signed a publicity contract with Skies Fall Media, the brainchild of Skillet guitarist Benjamin Kasica. We are thrilled about this merger, and excited to be working with such amazing people and talent. I am back with CCM, as well as writing heavily for Halogen TV. One of my artists that I represent is about to head to radio. We are nervous but excited and confident the current single will do great! Drew is out for another week with the guys, and then headed home to a very excited me! Funny how this tour run seemed worse, because we got a small taste of "normal" while he was home...definitely makes it harder to say goodbye, but as all bandgirls know...it makes you appreciate the little things. Well, back to work for me! XOXO

1Chronicles 16:34 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.

accepting the answers

i must have cried at least three times this week.

see, i went back to school on monday, and it began the endless cycle of homework, assignments, no free time, and exhaustion. i'll be the first to admit, i wasnt thrilled about the sudden transition from happy summer to dreary fall. through it all, my family and friends and wonderful fiance have all rallied and i am ready to face senior year (i think!). this week was emotional. juggling a prestigious medical program, a wedding, family, and a semblance of a social life is not easy. so, i cried at least three times this week.

things got more emotional on tuesday, when news came that Drew would have an opportunity to head back out on the road as a manager. moving here and finding an 8-5 was the goal of pulling out of the industry a month ago, but it appeared that that was not the path for this next month. I was, of course, more emotional about him being on the road, compounded with the sudden onslaught of responsibility and school/work. i cried some more. but i thought about it...and i realized that God had answered the prayer i have been praying with an answer i didn't want to hear. i have been praying for drew, steadily asking that he would find something he loved, something that would pay the bills, and help create financial stability for this coming season. God gave it to us, in a way we never saw coming, but nonetheless, a yes. a gentle, kind, always faithful yes to our plea.

He always does.

i whine, complain, and demand for it to happen the way i want it to, but God always trumps my will.
and i'm thankful. because He gets it. way more than me and my little brain.

so here we go, headed into a little longer of band life, me at home and my Love traveling. and it's okay. it really is.

I'm thankful for the yes.

even if i didnt see it coming.

adjusting

this past week has flown by! my Love flew safely in on Tuesday. He moved into a sweet little attachment to my friend Andy and Kristy's house; like a half-studio that he is helping remodel. it's a huge blessing to us right now! We have spent the past few days just enjoying hanging out; running little errands and eating meals together (what a concept!) its amazing to have a steady date night every week, to see him daily, to just know he's within a few miles. I know girls who actually get sick of their husbands/boyfriends and i am pretty sure if they lived 2100 miles apart they wouldnt ever take it for granted again! yesterday he and andy put in a window. very manly activity. i sat on the couch and watched. which probably was a good thing since i am terrible with directions, tools, building, or anything related to hardware stores or house building.

i'm jetting off the caribbean on thursday morning, leaving my sweet boy to his own devices while i am gone...he will be busy job-searching i am sure. school starts up with a vengeance on the 21st...definitely gonna be an adjustment to juggle everything and our upcoming wedding as well, but its lovely to have him home!

The best of Fall 2010 Collections

I don't love fall clothes, but i DO love this season's lineup of dainty dresses and 40's style cardis. It's definitely a nice vintage throwback and a contrast to nasty, tight sleazy clothes. These pieces i can feel like a lady in!


This two-fer dress is from Modcloth. It's lovely, ladylike, and beautiful colors. iLOVE mustard yellow this season!



This plaid number is from Urban Outfitters. it's actually a lovely flannel and i'd pair it with knee socks and saddle shoes.



These amazing shoes are from Urban. It's a steep price tag, but i might invest in something like this for Fall...nice simple suede.



I actually bought this piece awhile back for a photoshoot and forgot about it, but I found it in my closet last week. It's from LULUS.com and i love everything about it. Nice fit without being too clingy, good length, and beautiful detailing of the lace.



Of course this one is from Anthro, but i LOVE it. I'd love to sew something like it and pair it with plain black pumps.



Another anthro piece...absolutely flawless pairing of fabrics.



Last but not least a beautiful cardi! LOVE LOVE LOVE the two-piece look of it!

eight days!

eight more days until my Love moves here for good! im desperately counting down the days...can't wait to finally not have to say good bye all the time! im leavin for the carribean on the 10th...can't wait to hit the beach with 5 of my best friends! then its onward to school and wedding planning! i'm getting so excited to be drew's wife!

NCLEX, work, job hunting

NCLEX, job hunting, work. yep..that pretty much sums up our life for now..looking for a temporary job for drew while i finish school, registering for all 8 credits for school, hunting for a house, planning a wedding. things just don't slow down for us! on a happier note, i got new glasses this week. hadnt had new ones in 3 years. when i first put them on, i started to feel faint and threw up because they were so strong. thankfully my eyes adjusted. i dont recommend sticking them on so fast...definitely a bad idea. i have been enjoying a very busy summer...i wish it would slow down. now its time to start studying for my NCLEX exam which is next year and is going to be hard for me because though i get excellent grades, i dont test well. i have real trouble with exams, so i am definitely starting early. eek. i am dying to sew, but i dont have time. maybe someday ;) i bought yards of beautiful vintage fabric and little buttons and everything, but i just cant find time or energy to devote to it. :(

fun and happy things

wow..summer is flying by. seems like i have rarely been home...!
my work has shifted to ten hour days, so im working 7-6, and it's definitely been an adjustment to drag myself out of bed!
i am thankful for my boss and the flexibility he gives me to allow me to work two jobs and attend school.

My little company is growing fast, and I just signed a new artist and have two more prospective artists signing with me in a few months. I'm thrilled. i LOVE my job and love building my new little "family" of artists. So far, i just fall more and more in love with my work. We are launching my website on the 15th of August, and I purchased a domain and site. It's all very exciting! If things keep up, I could begin working part time at my day job...it would surely be nice to focus on school. i'm taking 18 credits this fall term, and im not entirely sure if i will LIVE to the wedding at this rate....i cant remember the last time i slept...i'm taking the psychology of sports and intro to theories of criminal justice and law, and ten credits of nursing classes. its pretty much a recipe for no sleep until graduation. :) i'm also back with CCM...and i love it. writing has always been my love, and CCM is where i started, so im definitely loving the articles and things i am getting to do. we have a great team of people there.

in between my crazy travel schedule and my work, we are planning a wedding! december is our month, and we are deciding between two different days. hopefully when drew moves, we will have a little more time to plan and work on little projects. we are very, very ready to just hurry up and be married! im counting down the days until he's HERE...I have surely missed my Love, and am ready to adjust to him being home for more than a few days.

Shabby Apple Boysenberry Pie Apron Guest Giveaway

Shabby Apple Boysenberry Pie Apron Guest Giveaway

Love this sweet apron!

Love like this...

My dear friend Sara Frankl (Gitzengirl) lost her father unexpectedly very recently. Sara is one of my favorite people. We met through mutual friends and though we've never hung out "in person", she is a dear friend. Sara is one of those people who makes me want to love people better and be more like Jesus. Sara has health problems that don't allow her to be outside of her home, but she is nothing but joyous, radiant and selfless. When Sara's father passed away, I thought of the ways we normally "love" people who lose loved ones. We send flowers, or we go the service...for Sara, these aren't realities. Her health problems don't allow for flowers or many types of gifts, so I bought a card. I realized that sometimes, it's hard to love people without the crutches of easy fixes. All I can give my dear friend is love...in written words, in simply praying for her. i can't hide behind a bouquet (though those are often sent with good intentions), nor can i slip into a funeral and pay my respective dues. i have to love her in new ways, different, unexepected ways. maybe that's just a card. maybe it's a facebook note.

Sara is good at teaching others to love like Jesus because she does it every single day. Now it's my turn to love her, and i have to look for ways to be creative. Love doesn't always come clothed in the ways we think it should.

a little update on our life

we just celebrated one year of being engaged, and we went back to Nashville to where drew proposed last july. We had a blast on our vacation, spending time in Nashville, Orange Beach, Gulf Shores, and Montgomery and Birmingham. We definitely are undergoing lots of changes, but it's all good, and we are excited. We are getting married this December, the official date is yet to be announced, we want to lock in all our vendors before we announce it! (Can you tell we both do concert and event coordination?!) Drew is pulling out of the music industry for a little while as well, and making plans to move to Oregon! We are completely thrilled to be living in the same city. Please be praying for a job for him, and for us as we learn to adjust to this change...I graduate in June 2011, and then we will have to see where God leads us in both of our jobs. In the meantime, I will keep working at SOU, and also working as a publicist and artist manager. My company is taking off, and I love what I do. I also am going back to writing for CCM, and am excited for that new venture. Then it's onto new adventures of being married (YAY!) and starting our life together :)

oh, sweet summer

with drew off tour, we finally got a few days to enjoy no work, and all the sunshine! we tripped down to gulf shores, alabama, and saw his aunt, and spent two glorious days laying on the beach, shopping, and eating! sooo nice to have a break off work, and school and tour.

daydreaming...

...about the day when my sweet almost-husband will work 8-5 and then come home to me. i miss him.

he is such a hard worker. he loves what he does, and he does it well. i appreciate the little things...

today, he helped me find a return flight for july, paid our cell phone bill, made time to chat with me, made me laugh, and still made his flight on time...back on tour for the next three days until he picks me up in Birmingham!

Someday, he'll go to work in the morning...and come home to me at night. sounds lovely.

waiting.

i lack patience. i am inherently, stubbornly, impatient. right now, i am waiting for the next 5 days to pass so i can head to sweet home alabama and see my Love! i'm waiting to graduate. waiting to leave for the carribean. waiting for our wedding. waiting for real life to start. waiting for the fall term of school. waiting on some concerts. waiting on a paycheck. but waiting only accomplishes so much. i have to continue to focus on other things, because Life keeps right on happening. Life never slows to accomodate complacency. God expects a challenged heart even in the waiting season. I love john waller's song "waiting", where he says,

"While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait


We can run the race while we wait. We can worship while we wait.

I was chatting yesterday with another band wife; her husband is gone much of the year on tour. She said, "isnt waiting the worst? you feel like your heart is literally going to explode until you can see him again!" and i said, "oh i know!" then she said, "but God uses that time, grace! He grants you extra patience and every time it doesn't get easier but you get stronger. and it strengthens your love for your husband and your dependence on the Lord. and oh, how it makes you depend on the Lord!"

so i choose thankfulness today, instead of impatience. i will watch God work in the next five days even as my heart wants to badly to run right by the next few days. I will be eagerly anticipating time with my Love, but also time for God to do what He wants in the next few days :)

the very best of forever 21

I have decided to highlight the very best of Forever21's summer collection. I love very select pieces from forever 21, though their clothes do not last and tend to wash very badly. However, for summer clothes, I have found some very chic pieces that i love! so here is the best of their online store:



This is a darling madras romper, with cute vintage details like the criss cross back and nice color scheme.



This darling mustard skirt is soooo cute and looks more Urban Outfitters than Forever21. I love the studs on the back pockets.



This sweet little top is very Blair-esque and would look so great tucked into a black skirt with flats for a professional summer look.



A darling mickey and minnie tank that i would tuck into a fitted black skirt and pair with a pink hairbow and wayfarer glasses.




I would belt this cute chiffon dress and pair it with saddle shoes and a beaded headband.

this is where i'm headed...

IN SEVEN DAYS...off to sweet home alabama to see my Love! it's been over 40 days since i last saw him, so i am very excited...
i'll be going to orange beach while im there...looks lovely, huh?



then...off to HERE in september!!! St Maartens island in the Caribbean!!!! headed there with 8 of my best friends for a girls trip to celebrate our last summer together before graduation next summer!

well....

the enthusiasm about sewing that i had last week (i even went and bought yards and yards of beautiful fabric, zippers, and thread) has quickly dissolved into exhaustion as i have been working 40 hours a week. add to that my twisted ankle and bruised knee and pretty much i have been asleep after work every night...i stay awake long enough to talk to drew and thats about it. last night, a few friends and i started a summer movie club. we watch one war movie a week. its sort of depressing, but they definitely make you appreciate the military. brandon, my friend from nursing school, was in the Navy for 7 years, so he has tons of military hats. he made us all wear one (yes, seriously) for the ceremonial watching. we watched 'stop-loss', which was a fabulous movie (though it had tons of language) that was sobering and thoughtful. i highly recommend it if you can overlook the language (most of it is in the context of war, which seemed to make it less offensive, since it was realistic and not gratuitous).
i am ridiculous excited about the new twilight and the new toy story 3. i dont think i can talk drew into seeing both of them, but i bet he would like toy story more (he agreed to watch twilight because he is a good fiance, but i feel kindof bad making him sit thru that ;) drew is wrapping up his last few dates in FL with chris and conrad...no one is happier about end of tour than ME! actually, everyone on the tour is pretty wiped out and ready to see their families too. the tour went pretty well, but alot of things were more work than they were anticipating, so needless to say, drew is ready to be home. he gets back to montgomery on tuesday, then gets a few days of rest, then back out for a one-off and then to birmingham to pick ME up! i cant wait to see him! when i see him again, it will have been 45 days since i last said goodbye. this life is definitely rough on these long runs, but we are thankful for his income and the experience he has gotten, even though it keeps us apart.
i am very excited for vacation...

i am in the midst of applying for every scholarship i can think of...i'm so tired of writing essays i cant even think anymore! it's like working on top of working my regular job. blech. in more exciting news, i am working with a new indie artist...he shows alot of promise...i'm very excited about it. and i am also in the process of beginning to freelance write again for the summer! the income is so good, and though i was happy to have a break, i'm ready to get back into it. i miss the community of writers i used to work with. lots on the horizon. God is always good and faithful and we are so thankful!

-g&d

i have a special talent

today, i wore a new dress to work, my "fiesta" dress, a mexican inspired dress with tiny pompoms and bright green mixed patterns...so cute. well when i went to grab my morning starbucks, i was coming back into work and slipped and fell. i fell up the stairs, slammed my right knee (and my bad knee, injured four years ago from a snowboard accident) and fell all the way down the flight, bruising my right hip and twisting my ankle. it takes special talent to fall up the stairs.

" Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her... " ~Unknown

Kristen Bell's cute fashion

I think Kristen Bell does the best job of flattering her petite frame. I love these dresses and sweet outfits

Dress Collection

I have an enormous dress collection. However, at the prodding of my precious fiance, I have been getting rid of the ones that don't fit and don't work for my petite frame. I have been really smitten with nautical blues and whites for summer, and have been leaning towards one-shoulder and tailored styles. Here's a few of my favorites:



i bought this DARLING tailored dress...i LOVE the fitted waist and the crisp khaki skirt and my favorite part is the detailing of the bodice. the ruffles add a girly flair to the professional pinstripes.



i found this sweet skirt on forever21.com. It wasn't something i would normally go for, but it's suspenders made it fun and still professional for my summer job. I will pair it with a modest white tanktop and some silver and white earrings and white wedge sandals.



I haven't bought this beautiful dress yet, because my size is out of stock, but i'm in love with the darling colors! It's nick and mo brand, and i think it's absolutely beautiful! I would pair it with a yellow hairbow and mustard color sandals. isn't it cute?

a random update

21 days until i'm back in Bama, hitting the beach and spending long and lazy days with my Love and our dear friends.

Excited for events like the arrival of Baby Willis, and seeing our Rush of Fools family, and spending time with my friends while Drew is on tour for a few days. Hopefully going to Orange Beach or Pensacola if the oil spill hasn't ruined the water. Can't wait! I'm bringing new books, dozens of dresses, my iPhone, and a hat for the sunshine! busy summer ahead, full of travel and work and hopefully, fun and sunshine. i'm heading on a raft trip on wednesday, camping with the nursing school and braving a class 3 and 4 river! as long as we all make it alive, it'll be awesome...at least we're all nurses, so there's no lack of medical care :) i get to meet my new nephew, jack, this summer too, and watch five of my friends tie the knot...just watched seven friends graduate and can't wait to being planning my wedding and graduation. this is definitely a weird time period...i feel old. Lots of life changes; my beloved roomies Liz and Em are moving out, which is bittersweet. Definitely looking forward to getting married and moving ahead in my career; college is getting old and tiring. i'm ready to be a wife and a full-time nurse.

21 days...hopefully it zips by!

happy birthday, Love

To my Drew-

You are 23 today...I wish I could celebrate with you, Love!

You are in Oklahoma City today, working hard as usual...

Thank you for all you do.

For working so hard and always taking care of finances and budgets and flights.

Thanks for being better at cars and changing tires and pumping gas.

Thanks for always saving my macbook when it breaks.

Thanks for late night phone calls and morning text messages.

Thanks for airport signs and googly eyes.

For always making me laugh when I'm crying.

For taking good care of me, for loving me.

For always updating our iCal so I know where you are.

For loving Jesus more than me.

For wanting a family and kids and letting me know that we will always come first when we are married.

For setting and keeping a date night.

Thank you for being the man that you are.

I love you.

there is a misconception about being a band wife (or, in my case, almost wife). everyone thinks it must just be the most glamorous job in the world, that it's all free concerts and easy income and getting to meet everyone on the ccm A-list. when i met drew in april of 2008, over two years ago now, i honestly didn't know what this life was all about. it sure sounded fun...getting to travel all the time, VIP passes to every single show, travel and concerts and flying and road trips. what was there not to like? and then it began, and it, quite honestly, has been the hardest thing i have ever done. it's so much more than fun and travel and friends, though it is those things, it also means that some nights, i get phone calls that are just six minutes long. for the whole day. we have never been together on a year anniversary. we have missed each other's birthdays for what is about to be the fourth birthday. it means we have to sit down and review iCals over videochat so we can get a date night. it means drew never gets to go to church on Sundays, and it means every time i go out to dinner with friends, i'm the only one without a date. it means valentines day, i get to go out with my girlfriends, because my valentine is somewhere in South Carolina, unloading a trailer. i don't get flowers and date night every week. i am lucky if i get one once a month. i spend my evenings staying up late enough to hear his voice. it means falling asleep with the iPhone in your hand. some nights it honestly just doesnt seem like its ever going to be easier...there have been many times when drew and i hang up the phone just discouraged. ask any band wife...they will tell you we all have meltdown nights...times when it just isnt fair, when all you want is NORMAL. i was thinking about this the other day...

my Ring means something. sometimes i forget how hard it is for Drew. at least i get community here at home. i have friends and school and work and as lonely as it is for me...it must be a hundred times harder for him. but when he asked me to marry him, he asked me to marry all of it. all the lonely nights and travel and anniversaries alone. and honestly? i wouldnt trade a moment. it's been a difficult, joyous ride, and my goodness, he loves me. God is so faithful to keep us together because everything else has tried to tear us apart, sometimes almost succeeding.

and so, when i took that beautiful diamond and he slipped it on my finger...it meant Yes.
Yes to lonely nights and Yes to short phone calls and Yes to this rough season we are in.
isn't that what Jesus does for us? He looks at all the reasons why He would stop being our Beloved...and He still says Yes, I want you and i save you and I redeem you, and I give you my name.

Yes.

How thankful i am for my beloved, and moreover, for my Beloved.

a season of peace.

mark driscoll wrote a beautiful piece about women fighting fear, how men need to understand its a very real part of who we are, but also that its sin to fear and not trust God. drew and i have been going through alot of decisions since we decided not to get married this July. it changed alot, especially my housing situation and my job, and all kinds of variables. i have honestly been kind of sad most of the month...trying to adjust to not getting married, and wanting nothing more than to be in Florida on tour with Drew. it's definitely been hard to focus on working this summer instead of travelling and setting up our little home. i have had to fight fear even more than normal, and i have realized how sinful it is to not trust the Lord to work those details out. i'm thankful Drew encourages me to seek out the good in my situation and not focus on the bad aspects. He also encourages me to trust the Lord and not worry about how things will work out. They will. They always do. God is so faithful.

a fabulous piece of writing.

“I remember driving down I-45 a few months ago and suddenly realizing the number of signs that were screaming at me, signs wanting me to buy waterbeds, signs wanting me to watch girls take off their clothes, signs wanting me to eat Mexican food, to eat barbaque, backlit, scrolling signs wanting me to come to church, to join this gym, to see this movie, to finance a car, even if I have no money. And it hit me that, amid the screaming noise, amid the messages that said buy this product and I will be made complete, I could hardly know the life that was meant to be. Houston makes you feel that life is about the panic and the resolution of the panic, and nothing more. Nobody stops to question whether they actually need the house and the car and the better job. And because of this there doesn’t seem to be any peace; there isn’t any serenity. We can’t see the stars in Houston anymore, we can’t go to the beach without stepping on a Coke bottle, we can’t hike in the woods, because there aren’t any more woods. We can only panic about the clothes we wear, panic about the car we drive, sit stuck in traffic and panic about whether or not the guy who cut us off respects us. We want to kill him, for crying out loud, and all the while we feel a need for new furniture and a new television and a bigger house in the right neighborhood. We drive around in a trance, salivating for Starbucks while that great heaven sits above us, and that beautiful sunrise is happening in the desert, and all those mountains out West are collecting snow on the limbs of their pins, and all those leaves are changing colors out East. God, it is so beautiful, it is so quiet, it is so perfect. It makes you feel, perhaps for a second, that Paul gets it and we don’t — that if you live in a van and get up for sunrise and cook your own food on a fire and stop caring about whether your car breaks down or whether you have fashionable clothes or whether or not people do or do not like you, that you have broken through, that you have shut your ear to the bombardment of lies that never, ever stop whispering in your ear. And maybe this is why he seems so different to me, because he has become a human who no longer believes the commercials are true, which, perhaps is what a human was designed to be.

It makes sense, if you think about it. I mean we stood out in the desert this morning, and the chemicals in my brain poured soothingly through the gray matter, as if to massage with fingers the most tender part of my mind, as if to say, this is what a human is supposed to feel. This is what we were made for, to watch the beauty of light fill up earth’s canvas, to make dirt come alive; like fairy dust making trees and cacti and humans from the magic of it’s propulsion. It makes me wonder, now, how easily the brain can be tricked by somebody who has a used car to sell, a new perfume, whatever. ‘You will feel what you were made to feel if you buy this thing I am selling.’ But could the thing you and I were supposed to feel, the thing you and I were supposed to be, cost nothing? Paul seems to think so, or at least he acts as if this is true. He doesn’t want to stay in a hotel room and catch up on the news. He doesn’t want to rifle through the sports page and make sure the team he has associated his ego with is doing well. I don’t think he is trying to win anything at all. I just think he is trying to feel what a human is supposed to feel when he stops believing lies. And maybe when a person doesn’t buy the lies anymore, when a human stops long enough to realize the stuff people say to get us to part with our money often isn’t true, we can finally see the sunrise, smell the wetness in a Gulf breeze, stand in awe at a downpour no less magnificent than a twenty-thousand-foot waterfall, ten square miles wide, wonder at the physics of a duck paddling itself across the surface of a pond, enjoy the reflection of the sun on the face of the moon, and know, ‘This is what I was made to do. This is who I was made to be,’ that life is being given to me as a gift, that light is a metaphor, and God is doing these things to dazzle us.”- donald miller

already counting down the days

Yes, I am fully aware that Drew's tour has just started..but i'm already counting down the days until its done! :) Not that I don't want him out on the road, because i LOVE the guys he is working with, and the income is definitely helping out our steep little bills! but i am definitely ready to see him again :) This tour has definitely been testing us as a couple, as we are trying to use the newly discovered skills that the past month and craziness have given us...we are working hard at staying connected and seeking ways to serve each other on this tour, and already it's made a gigantic difference. i have found i am more relaxed, able to focus on my schoolwork, and finding creative ways to fill my time. he has been calling frequently, throughout the day, and it has just made such a difference. not that he never called before, but i have been making an effort to really listen to him, and about his day and what is going on, even if i don't understand exactly what an amp or an LED wall mean. The guys he is out with are just fabulous. Chris, Conrad, their sweet wives, and the crew are talented, sweet and supportive. I got to say hello to them today over video and i love times like that, because i would give anything to be out to these shows! i have been keeping really busy with school but have been making almost solid straight A's! I am really thankful to the Lord for granting me energy, especially since I have been battling sickness most of the term. I'm still not 100%, but I am sleeping in tomorrow, so hopefully that will boost me up a little. I have been working loooong hours at work, swamped and overwhelmed to be honest, but trying to focus on being productive. definitely have been convicted by the Lord to not complain, so i try my best to just do good work and not whine about it. I really do love my job, my coworkers and my boss. They are incredibly flexible and supportive, and i don't know how i would survive school without them and their working around my schedule. As school is winding down, I willl be working up to 40-45 hours weeks from 30 hour weeks. Whew! I am thankful for the income, though. Bills seem to be growing like weeds, but thank the Lord Drew and I both have jobs and i havent starved...yet ;-) This month and last brought lots of health bills, medications and inhalers and etc...set me back a total of around $200.00, but we had enough to cover it and i am thankful for the lord's provision. He never fails!

I am really excited about Wonderment, my publicity company, and the work I am doing for an artist. It's wonderful extra income and it's really what I love. lots on the horizon for my artist, and for me as a company! Lots of fun news to come about my writing as well. I am thankful!

That's all for now, i'm sleepy...

tour dates, date night, and working late

since we have announced our wedding and life changes...people have been nothing but overwhelmingly supportive. how blessed i have been to have many, many friends send me sweet texts and messages and take me out to lunch. i am blessed with wonderful girls who love Jesus and are praying for us. i'm thankful.

today, drew starts a long run with Chris and Conrad...he's in nashville today. i need to run to the store after work and make his tour laminate! i make him a new one every tour, it's a plastic photo and note that goes around his neck, behind his tour pass. it's become a neat way for me to serve him by making one and for him to carry it around with him all the time on tour. (we both win :) i'm so proud of the way he protects our relationship by being so careful to keep thing above board while on tour. we recently heard about a marriage destroyed by infidelity, and it encouraged us even more to be guarded about our faithfulness to each other. my non christian coworkers were shocked when i mentioned today that i don't worry about drew on tour. one said, flippantly, "well, we know what he probably does on the weekends when he 'says' hes "working". i just looked at him and said "yeah, i do know what he does, because he IS working!" they didn't know how to react; simply stating how it would be "impossible" to not sleep with women on the road. I was shocked that they thought that was normal, but i guess thats just me. Drew is so careful on tour; even not taking photos with any girls, and he wears a ring on his left hand. I'm so proud and thankful of the way he is so quick to discuss any awkward situation or anything with me, right up front. because of that, i never question him on the road.

i am blessed by his heart.

a letter to our friends and family about our wedding

To all our friends and family-

We love you all and want to share some news with all of you. We wish we were able to share this with you in person, but there simply isn’t enough time to talk to all the people we love!

The life of a guy on tour isn’t easy, and it means time apart for us much of the time. Equally, nursing school requires immense amounts of time and studying, and the time we have been able to spend with each other is so limited. Having a date night every two months means that for the other 60 days in between, everything has to be over the phone. Long distance without consistent time together created stresses and issues on top of planning a wedding.

We have, after much prayer and counsel, decided to cancel our July wedding. It was coming so quickly, and though we were excited and we have been engaged for a year, we only had spent about 5 weeks of that time together. We really need time to focus on the Lord, on our relationship with each other, and involving our families before we step forward into the new journey of marriage. That being said, we are still committed to each other and to what the Lord has for us, though we have not set another date. We truly covet your prayers as we seek the Lord and fight for this relationship; and also prayer for finances and travel to enable time together. We are excited and hopeful as we now get to relearn how to really value each other and prioritize the Lord first and foremost. We are confident that He will carry us through whatever challenges will come with the distance and stresses of touring and school, and that He will hold us together in His will.

Soli Deo gloria.

We love you all dearly and are so thankful for your presence in our lives!
All our love,
Drew and Grace

Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

on my mind...

-how much i love this dress! i have a dress collection the size of a small country. i need to get rid of like half to fit them in our new soon-to-be-home. i have been focusing on getting rid of dresses that don't flatter my tiny frame and purchasing only classy dresses that wont go out of style. Lulus.com, modcloth, and anthropologie are the sweetest places to find classy, vintage dresses. i'm in love with sailor details right now, especially sailor collars!

-how much i despise nursing forums. every week we have to write these absurdly long posts about what we are reading and it's literally a duke-it-out battle of who can cite the most articles. it's exhausting and miserable.

-how much i love my wedding dress and my wedding venue. both are unbelievably beautiful. hooray!

-how ready i am to find the perfect apartment. we are currently searching for the perfect, safe, and cute little first house for our first year as newlyweds! so far i haven't found just the right one...it's really important for me to feel safe where i'm at, since my Husband will be gone on tour so much of the time. i cant wait to start finding fun things for our little housey.

-how tired i am. 30 hours of clinical, 30 hours of work, and 20 hours of homework this past week have left me DRAINED. i have been really grumpy too. poor drew. i am definitely not fun to be around when im exhausted and stressed. im going to bed early this week!

-how thankful i am for my job. my boss is the best.

-im so excited for the college retreat! heading to portland on the 7th and 8th for a worship and teaching retreat at solid rock. www.ajesuschurch.org We will be going thru the book of ephesians and have worship from evan wickham. can't wait for a relaxing time!

-my bachelorette party for nursing school is may 21st! hurrah :-) can't wait to celebrate!

-how crazy it is that 2 years have gone by for me and my Love!

-how bad drivers are in Oregon. they dont use their blinkers.

-i need to write a bunch of articles this week.

-i love chicken nuggets. i also love dairy, which i cant eat.

-i love the new tenth avenue album. i want to read "eat pray love."

-i cant wait to be cute and pregnant and get baby clothes for our little baby someday!

thats all of my random thoughts.

show day

yesterday was the kutless show, a sold out venue and tons of tiny details didn't make it too appealing for me. I was up at 6am, headed to clinical until 3, then stayed up till 2am. i dont even remember crawling into bed last night!
but i think its amazing that God works so well in our weakness. in my poor attitude, He still forged relationships and encouraged me in the middle of a terribly long day. i didn't know that the opening band was aligned with anti-human trafficking agency Overlooked, and that their hearts are running after freeing these precious women! how amazing to hear their story and to be able to fully support their music. i bought their cd and a shirt, and was so encouraged by their hearts and their ministry. i didn't know the other opening band was good friends with the band drew is road managing! so cool to make those connections and see God weaving us all together!

he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring..

if i got my way, i would have walked down the aisle to taylor swift. thankfully, i have roommates and a fiance who decided i needed to keep it classy, and that in 20 years, i didn't want to have to tell my children i walked down the aisle to the number one hit pop song of 2009. anyways. moving on.

i have a beautiful, fairytale gown tucked away in my mom's closet, i have a beautiful wedding venue just waiting for me, and my darling bridesmaids are ordering beautiful dresses. i meet with my florist soon, and has has all sorts of unique ideas for my wedding bouquet. i seriously can't believe that the wedding is in 89 days!

we have been engaged for a glorious nine months, and when we get married, it will be almost one year exactly. it's definitely been a year filled with challenges and joy, but we've made it! i have learned so much...when people find out that i see my fiance just about every two months, and not in between...they often are shocked. to be honest, it never gets any easier. i miss him each and every day, but i am gradually learning to live my life when he is gone. it's been a hard lesson to learn, but i've discoevered that life still goes on when he gets on those airplanes. i go back to work and school, and i have to focus and do my best. i've certainly spent my fair share of time crying and feeling sorry for myself. but i've been trying to find Joy in my life apart from him. mostly because this is the life we are signing up for...touring is hard, its hard on marriages, its hard on having kids, its hard on the husbands and the wives alike. i think me and drew both have different things we struggle with. for me, i have community, and friends, and church. i stay extraordinarily busy and im out with friends on the weekends and travel often. for drew, he doesnt get community. he rarely gets home for church, since he works nights, and he wont see his friends for months. it's a complex life, and im grateful that we are good friends, because we are pretty in tune to what the other one is feeling even when we are apart. we've listened to ALOT of mark driscoll and matt chandler, and ive definitely seen areas i need to improve...ive learned that drew needs words of affirmation, and i need undivided attention. as soon as we figured that out, things got alot easier. not easy, just easier. we're still learning.

it's our two anniversary on saturday. i'll be at the beach, and he'll be at work. its really hard sometimes, to spend this special days apart, but we'll be okay. two years. it's flown by.

i love you honey. grow old with me.

i hope...

...that in twenty years, i am as excited to go on dates with my Husband.

i was out to dinner a few nights ago, and an elderly couple was sitting near me. the wife got up to get something and came back and when she came back, her husbands eyes lit up. i mean his whole face lit up! he was so happy to see her!

wow. i hope we have that in twenty, thirty, fifty years.

and my goodness....i can't wait to have a Husband!

i love him so much.

i hope that i still get butterflies when he gets off an airplane.
i hope that in twenty years, i am as excited to hear his voice.
i hope that in fifty years, he still reaches for my hand.
i hope that forever, i drop everything to just talk to him.

91 days.

love this:

"When a couple speaks their vows & consummates their vows with sexual union, it is not man or woman or pastor or parent who is the main actor. God is. God joins a husband & wife into a one-flesh union. God does that. God does that!! Marriage is GOD'S doing... Staying married, therefore, is not about staying in love: it is about keeping covenant. Christ will never leave His wife." ~Piper

getting married is such a Joy!

lately, i have been nothing but excited about our wedding! with just over 3 months to go, we had a setback last week when our intended venue was nothing what we thought. we drove out there, and after a 2 hour, miserable, curvy drive, it was definitely a letdown. i cried all the way back to ashland. thankfully, drew had such a good attitude and thought we could make it work, but i was pretty sure it was not going to work. nothing else was open, and with drew touring so much, we didn't have any more time to look around at venues. a few days later, a wonderful couple opened up their home and their beautiful ranch to us. its a several acre, beautifully manicured ranch with mountains and a creek surrounding it. i absolutely love it and can't wait to get married there! i have realized that stressing about wedding things doesnt make it any more fun, and i want to enjoy it so much. so now im determined to be excited and stress free! i love planning our special day because mostly, i'm excited to be his wife! YAY!

one hundred days?

can it really be? just a hundred more days until our wedding?

yep.

hallelujah.

it can't come soon enough.

i bought my beautiful wedding dress last week, and i absolutely love it. i'm sure drew will too, but he doesnt get to see it for another hundred days :) we got drew fitted for a tux in Portland a few weeks ago, and the tuxes are fabulous...definitely happy with the colors I have chosen: champagne ivory, plum, and black. they look so pretty together! we found a wonderful florist who is local and who does couture, designer flowers, and is offering me a discount. they are exotic looking arrangements, and i'm excited to have them do our flowers.

thats about all i have the energy for right now. missing my drew. he's back in alabama....

dairy, wedding bells, and homework

i figured i would blog since a) it's been awhile since an update, and b) i am procrastinating on reading for school. we are down to a hundred and eight days until our BIG DAY! we have made our wedding website, and you can see it at www.drewaspinwall.com/wedding.

My asthma has been acting up, perhaps because of Spring allergies, but its making me pretty miserable, to be honest. I have been winded and short of breath walking very short distances (up stairs, etc) and because my campus is large and has lots of hills, it's made it difficult. I am trying to go off dairy because of it's effects on asthma. So far, I have found lots of alternatives to dairy, and I don't like milk so it hasnt been too hard. Unfortunately, I have been losing weight because of stress and lack of appetite, so now I am trying to find dairy-free foods with lots of calories. It's an interesting battle :0p

Drew's tour schedule changed, so I have him home for a full week! it's been sooooo nice to have him home for a little while and to be getting errands done. I started school for Spring term, and am comforting myself by reminding myself that this is my very last term before I am married! that is the most comforting part of this term, since the rest of it will pretty much be miserable...it's already being very difficult, and it's week one. i'm thankful drew is home this week to help me get through the overwheming-ness of the beginning of the term. He baked me brownies today! What a guy :-)

how do i tell their stories?

i was assigned a piece about the invisible children organization last week, an organization that i am very passionate about. they are working to free the children being abducted and forced into becoming child soldiers or slaves. they also showed the world the story of night commuters: children who walk at night to avoid being abducted. its horrific. its unthinkable. and as i read their stories, i wept. it truly not even something i can fathom...children being kidnapped OUT OF THEIR BEDS. children who have aids. children who have no future. and invisible children is GIVING THEM A FUTURE.

so how do i tell their stories?

how do i look at their pictures and not cry?

and how do i go back to my privileged life?

i want so badly to be moved out of apathy.

because i dont know how to tell their stories.

how do i sum up horror?

and terror?

and Hope?

the sun still rises over haiti

"where will i go when it rains?"



"we need change for the youth."



"home sweet home".



"in all my struggles, i have learned that Jesus loves me"






"God do not abandon your children"




all photos taken by jeremy cowart. www.voicesofhaiti.com
prints available.

follow jeremy on twitter at @jeremycowart