This past week, I was definitely crushed to find out that the position I had been promised, had been told I would be the forerunner for, and for which I have been working extremely hard for, was not going to be filled because of budget cuts. I barely held back tears as I left the hiring office. This position was supposed to be a "shoe-in"...easy...well-paying...perfect. In an instant, it was gone.
To be honest, as I was wrapping up last week's clinical week, I felt pretty purpose-less. All the effort I had been directing to this job seemed very non-consequential now. I was pretty frustrated with the unit, with myself for letting myself get my hopes up before I signed the papers, and with the Lord for what I perceived as "taking away" what I wanted. (I am sure the Lord was less than thrilled with my temper tantrum).
So this Sunday, when my pastor asked for volunteers in our church's disability ministry, I must confess my initial thoughts were less than holy. "I'm a nurse", I thought, "I should be working in a high stress surgical unit, not volunteering at the church". (I know, I was definitely less-than-thrilled with my own heart's attitude).
And of course, the Lord pretty much smacked me upside the head and nudged my heart to open up to the idea that He is going to use me here. And that maybe, that perfect job was taken away in order to allow me more time to work with the precious little ones at my church. Precious kids like my own niece who has severe autism, and my nephew who has severe epilepsy.
How humbled I was.
How good the Lord is to move us towards where we need to be.
Even if it means my "perfect" job wasn't so perfect after all.
So here goes...this new venture, of other's centered-ness. Of loving where I am. Of deciding that volunteering just may change my heart more than that ideal job. Of offering my schedule up to being open to serve.