Wednesday, February 25, 2009

from underneath the table.

monday night was the 'welcome to the family' tour with Kutless, Disciple and Esterlyn. We packed out the venue with about 1200 people, mainly teenagers armed with Kutless posters, and parents armed with earplugs. i started my evening off with a venti caramel frappachino, and ended it with a second one! it was running, non stop, all night long. coralling volunteers, inventory on merch, meeting with various staff, and being the liason for much of the staff and artists. i love my job, but sometimes it's exhausting. i confess, i even hid in the bathroom for about ten minutes just to get a break. at the end of the evening, i was running inventory with Corey, the merch manager for Kutless. i had to categorize and count each t-shirt design and size. i was in high heels (don't ask me why i thought THAT was a good idea), so i slipped them off and started counting. pretty soon, i realized i was so exhausted that i couldn't stand up anymore, and i sat down on the floor, surrounded by piles of t-shirts. counting counting counting.

it's a different view from the ground.

from the ground, you can see the concert from another angle. i could see the cables from the speakers snaking along the stage, and the movement of 1200 people milling around. i could see the volunteers cleaning up, and lighting being moved around. as i counted, i was distracted by a little boy off to the right of the tables. blond and blue eyes, he hopped anxiously on one foot, waiting for jeffrey, the drummer of kutless, to come out and sign autographs. as soon as he reached the end of the line, where his jeffrey was signing, i watched as jeff got down on his level. he made eye contact with the little guy, asking him about his drums and his favorite songs. other fans were waiting, but jeff just kept on giving this aspiring drummer his full attention. he gave him kutless drum sticks, and the little guy's eyes lit up. i just watched. i stopped counting, and i stopped worrying about who needed me at that moment, and everything i had left to do in the evening. i just watched. and i saw, in that moment, why i work in the music industry. because, it is, of course an industry. but it's more importantly...a ministry. jeffrey reminded me of that, even though he didn't know. that little boy reminded me of that.

this whole week has felt like an extended version of a show date. i have been running non stop. i work for about four websites writing and editing, and i work as a press writer for another artist. i have deadlines upon deadlines, as well as my regular schoolwork and assignments. my recent decision to re-enter nursing school has only elevated the meetings and things i need to remember. it seems like i can never quite catch up and relax.

but i realized something today.

"Be ready and come up in the morning to Mount Sinai, and present yourself there to Me on the top of the mountain. " Exodus 34:2

God wants stillness. He wants full attention. He wants me to present myself every morning, no matter how much I have to do. no matter how much sleep i have gotten.

sometimes...God wants us sitting down.

on the floor.

because things look different from down there.

I see Him working things together.
plugging in the cables, turning on the switches, arranging the events.
i see Him getting down on my level.
all the pieces fall into place. i like walking in His story.
but i like it too when i can see His story better from the floor.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

when everything you know...


i was hanging out with my buddy matt today, chatting about how quickly plans can change, and how grateful we are that we have a God big enough to overcome our rapid, sure-fire mistakes.

last month, happily armed with three hundred dollars in my savings earmarked for my ticket to nashville i, being the astute driver that i am, neglected to check all the way around my ford taurus backing out of my family's driveway. wouldn't you know, my dad's bright red truck just popped up outta nowhere. i promise, it just sprouted out of the driveway. like a daisy. needless to say, even going at a very slow pace, i did considerable damage to my dad's cute little truck..and my cute little left hand mirror. the same mirror i had shelled out a hundred bucks to fix just 34 days earlier. it was, you guess it, exactly three hundred dollars to fix.

matt and i were talking about how Gods economy is different. we think, "Well, Lord, i dont think You are fully grasping the situation! This is $300.00! or this is _______(fill the blank with: a million dollars, a new job, relationships, etc.)." like maybe we dont truly believe God is a $300.00 dollar God. or a God big enough to hand me a job, or matt the apartment he is praying over. it comes down to just a lack of belief that God is everything He says He is.

my favorite people in the bible are esther and job. someday i want my children to have their names as their middle names. esther was a woman truly trusting in a God bigger than impossibility, and in the face of certain death, she said "if i die, i die". simple trust. or maybe not so simple. job lost everything, and my favorite part was he was so genuine. he wavered in trust, he questioned God, he wondered where the purpose was. and yet, he still came out on the the other side, blessed, astonished by the faithfulness of God, and more importantly with a bigger-picture-God. i love when God just nails him with the majesty of who He is. 

"then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me."Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone-while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place,when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt' Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?"

 the best part is verse 1, where it says "then God answered Job from the storm."

from the storm.

from the middle of confusion. 

from the center of uncertainty.

God speaks. 

this week i got news that i got back into nursing school. being the 'planner' (cough cough, stubborn) person that i am, it threw me into a tailspin. i HAD  a plan. graduation, applying to medical schools, possible working in the music industry. and now here was a new plan. surely God didnt understand that now was not a good time (insert sarcasm here), because i had midterms, for crying out loud! apparently God doesnt work on my timetable, because He seemed pretty good with now. 

i might be kicking and screaming my way, but He's pulling me into His plan, His time, His story. and 

when everything i know


He speaks.