Friday, May 29, 2009

listen to the sound of a heartbeat and the tidal wave of trust

well, i had an eventful week last weekend. on thursday night i was nannying, and began to have slight chest pain. i normally have bouts of chest pain, so i sat down, knowing it would go away quickly. when it didnt, i went the route of the inhaler, hoping to alleviate the shrinking state of my lungs. when that didnt help, i laid down, which only made it worse. by this point, i was struggling to breathe, and pain started shooting up and down my jawline and wrapping around the back of my head. being a nursing student is sometimes unfortunate, and this was one of those times. i knew that jaw pain and left arm pain indicates a stroke of a heart attack, and my parents quickly rush me to ER. by the time i got there, my vitals were through the room, and i was doubled over in pain. thankfully i was rushed into a room where my heart rate hit 120, nearly twice what it should have been. what a scary experience. my blogging friend kate wrote a post recently that asked "where is God when." you know, when things are hard, when the darkness creeps in, when you become a single mom, or your marriage falls apart. i didnt know that God shows up too, in the middle of what feels like cardiac arrest. but He does.
when youre lying in a hospital bed, on the receiving end of IV's and medications (instead of being the one giving medications, like i had been just earlier in the morning), you see things a little differently. you lose control of the situation, and you realize you were never in control in the first place. it feels helpless and scary and totally out of control.
i went from giving my patient an oxygen tube that morning to desperately praying for one that evening, and breathing the rush of air when it was secured. how quickly things can change.

what a level of trust you have to have when God strips you of all you know, and all you think you can control.

i worked as an OB nurse this last week, rocking precious little ones to sleep. giving them baths and holding them while their mommies sleep was one of my favorite rotations yet. they have these tiny stethoscopes for babies. these little miniature steths that still look huge when you place them on their tiny chests. and you strap in the earpieces...and you hear it.
the sound of a heartbeat. perfect, rapid, tiny heartbeats.

i thought of my blogging friend angie, who held her daughter audrey caroline for just over two hours last year, until her tiny heart stopped beating. and of another blogging friend jennifer, who prayed over her tiny son while his heart struggled to keep him alive. i hope we dont forget to take our heartbeats for granted. nor what God is trying to teach us in the midst of the tidal wave of trust that He wants to teach us.

He is sovereign.
He is always good.
All the time.

Oh that He would teach us that with each and every heartbeat.

Isaiah 2:1 Then Hannah prayed and said: "My heart rejoices in the LORD; in the LORD my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

waiting for life to start.

this is Daylon, a dear friend who went to be with the Jesus he loved so much last Friday. Daylon had the biggest smile and biggest heart of anyone i know. always laughing and smiling, he was a light to everyone around him. you know the type of people...those who make you feel like you just spent time with Jesus because they love Him so much. that was Daylon.

Daylon died doing what he loved second-most (after Jesus), flying. he was planning on being a missionary pilot. he would have been amazing.

last friday, i was sitting at starbucks with my best friend, sipping caramel machiattos and talking about life. how at 21, we feel like we are waiting for our lives to start. how when we were little, we imagined we would be doing huge things by 21. career. marriage. kids. the job we always dreamed of. some of those things have come true, some seem further off than we ever imagined. we poked around barnes and nobles and starbucks for awhile, then drove home.

i got the news that Daylon had died in a plane crash when i got home. at just 26, i couldnt believe he was gone. it seemed a tragedy that his short life would end before he even got the chance to be a missionary. how unfair, it seemed, that God would take a young man with so much potential before he had even finished all his training. Daylon facebooked me a few weeks ago, a short note that just said "Hey Grace! I hope you are doing great! Just wrapping up some flight stuff. Excited about how God will use me in the kingdom as I finish all this stuff, I can't wait to see how it will be used! Blessings, sister!"

it wasnt a tragedy. it wasnt an accident. i dont understand, it, but God is working to weave the ends together into a beautiful picture of His faithfulness. He always does.

Little did Daylon know that God would use him very mightily in a way none of us would have imagined. I thought about how I mentioned i was waiting for my life to "start", to achieve the things that society has told us equal success. Daylon, by the worlds standards, didnt even get to achieve a lot of those things. unmarried, he spent everything he had to earn the remainder of his pilot's licenses. by any stretch of the imagination, the world would scoff at this young man and his "achievements".

Daylon never waited to let his life start. he lived it every single day. with a huge smile and an equally huge heart, he loved Jesus with everything in him, and ran after Him with a passion that fueled his life every day.

Daylon, I am thankful I knew you.

Thanks for living your life, and never waiting for it to "start".

"Excited about how God will use me in the kingdom as I finish all this stuff, can't wait to see how it will be used!"

Me too, friend.

Please pray for his wonderful family, surely both rejoicing in the faithfulness of God and in the brokenness of losing their son. Also pray for the Reznick family, pictured below. Scott was also in the plane with Daylon, and also passed away, leaving behind his wife, Holly, and their children.

Monday, May 18, 2009

i have never gone hungry.

“The tragedy is not that the rich don’t care for the poor. The tragedy is that the rich do not know the poor.”– Shane Claiborne