Wednesday, March 16, 2011

the burnout.

it's no secret that nursing school is a world all it's own. its stress and workload ensure that any semblance of a social life, relationships, or community are shattered. it's a cruel awakening the first year. i remember dissolving into tears many, many nights, sure that i would either perish or fail out of the program. while other friends were in college, i felt that i was immersed in a whole different dimension. my first year, i was in the hospital twice, once for two week long pneumonia. the second year, hospitalized for my heart and asthma complications, and for a bizarre eye mass. this year? tore my ACL and broke my meniscus, then my right eye went blind and i had emergency surgery. to say i set the record for most hospital visits in nursing school would be an understatement.

i founded my own company in 2009, and before i knew it, it was actually generating income. i found my love of writing and organization was complete in being a manager and publicist. but i was still in nursing school, and i couldn't do it all. i found myself really discouraged that i had already gotten so far in school, and had found a whole different career. i didn't want to choose, but juggling everything was becoming crippling. this past term, i was finding my rhythm, becoming a strong nurse, but still having trouble finding real joy in being a nurse. i felt guilty that i had taken out student loans and deep down, dreaded my shift each day. all i wanted to do is work from home and just be done with all of the late nights and early mornings and migraines and aching feet. that is, until my right eye went blind, and i was watching everything slip away in an instant.

my surgery gave me a new joy in what i am doing. my company is doing well, and is allowing me to quit my day job and be fully self-employed. it's freeing and will allow me to be home two days a week, working from home! i am eager to get back to the hospital. i can't wait to see the patients, to be with my fellow nurses. i found myself missing it. and i know that was the Lord confirming that i am where i need to be. He has granted me joy in spite of everything. i'm so thankful.

God never leaves us vacant.

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