Thursday, March 24, 2011

a brand new season

I am sure a lot of people cannot imagine why i would be thankful for my recent eye surgery, but i am. i firmly believe that God brings the good and bad into our lives for His glory and to shape us into a people confident in his goodness. was it terrifying? yes. was it inconvenient? yes. but just a few days after the surgery, i was able to see already that God had carefully shaped and created this time of purpose for me.
He has brought me into a brand new season of being. being on bedrest for weeks meant
i couldn't go.
i couldnt do.
i couldnt accomplish.
i had to depend on my husband to clean and cook and dress me and help me in and out of bed. i had to depend on my family and friends to go anywhere. i had to work in short bursts of time while my eye cooperated. i couldnt even read. i could watch tv with one eye on my iPhone for about thirty minutes at a time. you might say, for someone as busy as i am, this was torture. i would say
for someone as achievement driven as me, this was torture.

i was forced to find fulfillment in other things that what i was doing. ouch. and so, God chipped away at the things i was holding onto, at me being a perfect housekeeper, a perfect employee, a perfect manager, a perfect wife. and He said rest. and He said I am sufficient. and so i did.
and i began to see how overloaded i was making myself. i have not had a single asthma or heart fibrillation since my surgery. i have quit my day job. i have watched God provide a way for me to work from home with my company so its easier on my health. i have watched Him provide financially so my company is bringing in twice as much as my day job. i began taking Fridays off, and doing something with my girlfriends, just because. my best friend called me and after i took an hour to listen to her, said "thanks for just listening. thanks for taking the time to bless me with that". time. i never had it before. i have time to cook, time to grocery shop, time to iron my husband's shirts. i almost started crying while i was ironing for him, because i have never made time to do that before. i run three times a week, but i put on the five pounds that my doctor wanted me to, for my low blood pressure. i feel healthy. i feel happy. a few friends have commented on how peaceful i seem, how much more joyful. and i know it's true. i smile more. i read my bible daily because i make time for it. i feel joy when i run. in my book club, we were discussing inner beauty, and how it flows from a woman who is confident in God, and who is peaceful and restful.
i don't think the word "restful" has ever been used in conjunction with me before, but i want to be that woman.

at rest.
confident in a good, gracious and beautiful Savior.
at peace.


Emily Christine said...

AMEN, GRACE. I LOVED reading this! I can not explain to you how much your blog represents me at this time! I too feel as if I have NO TIME for anything, even things as simple as talking on the phone with Jamie. It is so sad. Thank you for writing this blog and encouraging me to slow down!

Meredith said...

Such a cool thing to be able to watch God working in your life even in the midst of difficult times!

PS- I'd love to hear what you guys are reading in your book club!

Addi said...

SUCH a great post Grace! I'm so proud of you for giving your time up to God and allowing Him to do His will with it. It can be a scary thing to let things go that you feel like you have to do but look how much God has rewarded you for it! You have grown so much and I have never seen you so peaceful and happy and beautiful :) Keep it up, girl!

Angela said...

These seasons are rough, but beautiful. We achievers don't do well when we are stripped of all our independence. I have been in a similar season for 8 months. I never expected it to last this long, but God knows what he's doing. you will hopefully now be able to empathize with others :) Glad you are feeling better! I am so proud of you.

carandavis said...

fantastic, Grace. thanks for these insights.

Kristina said...

Amen, and again I say Amen...Such a huge fan of the work you do for CCM. I'm a freelance clothing designer, doing my best to honor God with my work, and love to see other women rockin' their talents in their respective fields. New follower here, obviously! =)
Kristina J.

GoJessGo! said...

The power "rest" is amazing. Not just physical rest, but resting in our Savior. Thanks for the reminder Grace. Miss you!

tinuviel said...

I've been learning some of the same lessons as a chronic illness flare has had me needing lots of help for the last 11 months. I'm thankful that you, like me, have a kind and supportive husband. May the Lord keep revealing Himself to you as you make time to seek Him.

(came here from (in)courage)