do i really mean it?

when one of my friends was going through a hard time last week, i had coffee with her. as we left, i said "I'll pray for you!". i was thinking about this as i drove to work this morning; about how flippantly we offer intercession. i'm quick to say that ill pray for something, but i'll admit, sometimes i forget. i might mumble something during my dinner prayer or as i'm half asleep before bed, but i honestly pray a lot less than i offer prayer support. i wish i was better at this...i'm thinking setting aside a time for serious, intercessory prayer would be a great idea. my college pastor always emphasizes prayer so heavily, it's definitely made me rethink how i view how easily we come into conversation with the Lord. i appreciate the way that because of redemption, we can come without hindrance into the presence of the Lord! how beautiful this sweet communion with our Saviour. but also, how Holy and divine is He to us, truly, when we mumble our half-thought-out prayer? nichole nordeman, one of my all-time favorite songwriters, summed it up like this:

Have I come too causually?
Because it seems to me
There's something I've neglected
How does one approach a Deity
with imformality
And still protect the Sacred?

'Cause you came and chose to wear the skin of all of us
And it's easy to forget You left a throne

And the line gets blurry all the time
Between daily and Divine
And it's hard to know the difference
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

still in middle school.

i turn 22 in a month, but i spend every wednesday and thursday in middle school, walking the halls with 6th, 7th and 8th graders from all walks of life. theres the girl who eats lunch alone. the boy who dropped all his homework all over the ground. the 7th grader who is kissing her "boyfriend".the "popular", beautiful girls who have low self esteem and too much makeup. the 8th grade boys who have acne and big egos. the smart kid. the special education children. the abused. the lonely. the broken.

the halls are filled with so many broken people.

and, i think...the halls of my university arent so different. not really. see, all those middle schoolers?
they grow up to be college students.

i have friends who have never left middle school, not in their hearts. the scars of middle school are still there. the 7th grader who wore too much makeup then still wears it now. except now her boyfriend is an abusive basketball player who only wants to use her. and the lonely, bullied boy has found his calling in philosophy, where he is being overwhelmed with new age ideals that might cure the loneliness for a moment. and those popular girls are still using the people around them, and they still think they rule the world. those 8th grade boys have become football players who date girls while their girlfriend waits for him to call.

maybe we've all never left middle school.

but then i see these amazing kids.
the ones who have big hearts. the girl over there who just helped that kid pick up his homework. the special education classroom where eleven smiling faces greet me every morning. the kid who says "thank you" for help with his homework. i see three or four girls without makeup and giggling together, and i think maybe, just maybe...


these halls hold hope too.

february

this month is flying by! i am super busy with nursing school (and should be doing homework not blogging...) but i am loving my clinical and realizing more and more what an immense privilege it is for me to be able to serve the Lord in this capacity! how amazing to be humbled and awed each day by His new mercies to me in my career. i am so very thankful!my sweetheart is in Orlando this weekend, doing some shows. i am slightly jealous he gets to be in the sunshine of florida, while ashland persists in rain and snow. we are praying about a lot, as this month has tested us in new ways. especially me, emotionally and physically. i have lost about 10 pounds that i cant really afford to lose and have been struggling to have an appetite to maintain a healthy weight. just seems i am too busy sometimes! i have been working more for Halogen, grateful for the extra income, but more, for the joy writing with such a wonderful team of people. When i was going through everything with my eye they were so incredibly supportive. i have struggled more this month with the distance between drew and i and have been encouraged by my mom, who is the best example of a Godly helpmate i have ever seen! if i am half of the wife and mom she is, i will be thankful.my friend amelia told me, "it never gets easier! we watch them (husbands) leave and it never is good, but i have kept reminding myself that it is his calling and i am to be a part of it". that has helped me have a better attitude with dealing with it and not having a pity party. i'm working on a 30 page paper (yikes!) , and so when my sweet little macbook air has decided to be sickly. i am rushing down to sacramento and redding this weekend with my roommate to the apple store to get it fixed. kinda threw a crunch in the homework plans, but i have an understanding boss, and am doing homework in the sunshine today instead of working! it's a pain to have to go to cali, but i love
okay, thats it for now :) thanks for reading about my crazy little life! above all, Jesus is faithful and i learn it more every day!

what guys wish we knew about our clothes

after conducting a modesty survey among some guy friends (these guys are everything from college students to athletes, musicians, pastors, authors, college students, dads, husbands, high schoolers, non Christian guys, and Christian guys)

here's what i heard:

the question:

'What would you like to tell all girls about their clothes?"

their answers (all real guys!):

-I wish girls knew that when they wear revealing clothes, it makes them appear weak, striving, faithless, wordly and dangerous. when a woman dresses modestly, yet pretty, she appears confident, respectful, attractive and at peace with herself. i like 1 peter 3:4 as an admonishment to gals. tight clothes, mid driffs, underwear showage are all totally horrible to dudes too. i think that goes without saying.

-Beauty is not defined in outward appearance, fancy hairstyles or jewelry! beauty is defined by the heart. the world says you have to look a certain way and be a certain size to be worth anything. girls are beautiful because they are created in the image of God! the most attractive woman is the girl whose heart is after the Lord's! You are valuable because of who Jesus is.

-Anything immodest is stuff that reveals anything that shouldn't be or anything that is too tight. it depends on length. if i can see lots of thigh, it does not help me. also, low cut shirts.

-i think anything short or low cut is sick and unattractive. i mean come on...mystery! i dig chicks that dont have their business hanging out.

-HIDE THE BOOBIES! seriously, we know they are there. no one thinks youre hot because you have cleavage. we dont need your help. and no one needs to see your butt crack so put that away. i dont give a crap about collar bones or spaghetti straps but if you have to bend with your knees sideways, your skirt is too short, and YES we noticed.

-More modest is better! LESS SKIN IS BETTER!

-I think its less the clothes and more of a mindset, attitude and heart issue. if a girl wants a guy to "notice" her, its apparent. i think girls are rarely 'ACCIDENTALLY' immodest! skirt length never really caused me to stumble, but its the chesty girls that wanna show the world. cleavage or really tight shirts is super annoying.

-Even nice guys cant always keep from looking at cleavage if you put it out there.

-Please please wear less eyeliner! and i dont like it when girls wear really short shorts.

-I wish all of them would dress classier. thats what i love about my lady!

-I think 2 piece swimsuits on christian women are a complete disrespect to their christian brothers.

-Ill fitting or loose clothes can cause just as much stumbling as some blatant immodesty. its not always the amount of skin showing (short skirts/normal shorts), but the perception of seeing more than it seems you should.

-Dont show cleavage in any degree, even if and when you bend over. no g-strings showing! guys see that a lot!

-Anything too short and too tight is not good!

-I'd say just remember your power. It is way too easy to distract and drive guys crazy, so have a little consideration for the fellas. We want to know you and care for you as a whole person but putting your assets, so to speak, outside of the proper context of relationship is confusing to us and counter productive to getting our best. Don't pretend like you don't know how weak we are. Hah!

-I'd say dress right for the occasion. I say this because I know in the summer it's hard to find modest swim wear that allows your skin to see the sun. Find something that is comfortable but doesn't specifically accentuate your figure. Hard to do, I know. Basically dress with the idea in mind that you are saving as much as you can for your future spouse. Cleavage is a no-no in pretty much any situation. Showing the belly can be considered classy under normal circumstances but I for one easily stumble over that one.Choose shorts that are comfortable but aren't too tight or too short.I'd just go back to the whole, save as much for your future spouse as you can. You will be so glad you did and God will bless your relationship because of it :) And another thing,theres nothing wrong with baggier clothes. I promise we wont hold it against you.

-Girls need to stop dressing in whats popular and become more original. go to boutiques or goodwill! as far as style, you can create your own original style. Modest girls are cool. They dont rely on their appearance, but that have a great personable attitude. they are not insecure!

-Well in my humble, little opinion, I would tell girls this: "Instead of

trying to catch guy's attention by wearing inappropriate clothing, try
catching their attention by displaying what's in their heart. I personally
find girls who make a conscious effort to dress modestly and act in a Godly
manner way more attractive than sleazy chicks trying to show off. I would
also tell girls that when they dress inappropriately, they're not going to
be attracting the kind of guy they would ever want to get into a
relationship with. Guys like me appreciate girls who dress modestly and
think girls like that are way cool. However, I'm not saying girls should go
around wearing turtlenecks year round (that's just stupid), I'm simply
saying lower skirts and higher shirts are cool."

-Well you don't have to dress like an old lady, but you don't want to dress like a slut either. Girls shouldn't have cleavage sticking out, and their dress/skirt shouldn't be really short because those two things will make guys stumble.

-I might add; Don't dress like the girl you think dresses improperly. I know all girls check each others clothes out, and make judgments based on how other girls are dressed; so when you see a girl dressed like a "skank"(girls think that, so I'm not just saying it) don't dress like her. If you want to make a guy truly like/love, you appeal to his intellect; it'll last longer than if you appealed to his lust.

-if I feel the need to avert my eyes, there is a problem!

my valentine.

this is my favorite picture of us...taken in front of the grand ole opry in nashville, the day we got engaged.

i love the picture...

and i love him.

we've made it through good times and bad, mistakes and heartache, joys and victories. and we're still standing.

thank you Jesus for this man...i love him so very much.

"i have found the one my soul loves" song of songs 3:4

she plays the flute.

i walked into this term feeling pretty confident. after all, i have been a child advocate for two years, had numerous years of nanny experience, and a minor in psychology. i figured it would be a breeze to do mental health assessments with adolescents and children this term.

i was wrong.

my first day, dressed in sharp professional dress and heels, i was working in the nurse's office, doing informal counseling and nursing care for the children who were in and out through the day. my very first patient was a young lady with long, brown hair. she was at the awkward stage; not quite used to the growth and acne that middle school brings on. she came into the office in tears, having just slammed her fist into a wall in anger. as i iced and medicated her, the story came tumbling out, in gulping sobs and tears. she was depressed, lonely, and had just been "dumped" by a fellow 6th grader. but it was when i lifted her sleeve to bandage her wounds that i truly saw just how lonely she was. her wrists were covered in raised scars, bearing testament to a life no one quite understood. her mom was a single mom, working three jobs, and she simply had nowhere to go. violence was normal in the family, and she had trouble making friends. "i eat lunch in the bathroom", she confided softly, "that way no one notices i sit alone." my heart broke as her story just kept spilling out, bits and pieces emerging as i sat with her. when she left, i realized i had been wrong. this would be no easy job, no task where i would be rewarded with smiling, perfect kids who would throw their arms around me and go home to perfect families.

they are broken hearts with broken families.

kids who bear the labels of "stupid" and "retarded".

girls who think they are ugly because thats all they have been told.

boys who dont know how to treat women because they watched their dad break their mom's ribs.

children so hungry for attention, they cling to anyone who gives it to them.

the young lady i am writing a paper about is a tiny, pixie-like brunette. she has a smattering of freckles that dance across her little face, with eyes that tell a painful story beyond her age. she is doing school work of a second grader. we struggle through math and reading, and i work with her on telling time with a big plastic clock.

she is in seventh grade.

and yes, i read her chart. i read about her past abuse. i read her psychiatric evaluations, of her falling more and more behind each year in school. i saw her test scores and her rankings.

i saw her history of oppositional disorder, of emotional disturbance...

but then i watch as she is ignored in the halls, as she struggles to read music in band class, and i walk with her back to the classroom as whispers of her grade-mates follow us. what they dont see is what i see. she is funny, desperately funny. she draws, she plays the flute. she has a quick smile, and a ready laugh. under the diagnosis, she is a little girl.

broken hearts, broken people.

Jesus lets me be His hands and His feet these clinical days.

what a privilege.

"When the art of medicine is loved, so also is humanity"-Hippocrates

Driscoll on Marriage

Three general categories that describe many marriages:

1) Non-Christian Feminism No distinction between the roles of husband and wife. They live parallel lives, legally married but functionally single.

2) Christian Egalitarianism No distinction between the roles of husband and wife. They also live parallel lives, but often share some unifying, ephemeral elements (e.g. kids, hobbies, church).

3) Christian Complementarianism Husband and wife fulfill distinct and equal roles. They live as one together under God’s authority with unified purpose.

Wives are to follow their husband’s leadership

Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Jesus loves the Church (Eph. 5:25); Jesus died for the Church. Jesus’ example guards against chauvinism and other abuses of the principle of submission.

Ways a husband can handle disagreements with his wife:

1. Pray and discuss with your wife. Be patient. Wait for her to come around.
2. Appeal to a higher authority (pastor/counselor).
3. If the matter is pressing and/or a decision cannot be reached, the husband must decide. His wife should submit to the decision.

Wives are to preach wordless sermons

Those who have unbelieving husbands should not nag or be preachy, but rather love, serve, and respect their husbands, praying that God would use these actions to soften the husband’s heart.

Wives are to cultivate true beauty

There is nothing wrong with outward beauty, but it is “fleeting and deceptive” (Prov. 31:30). Holiness is true beauty. Godly wives have a quiet and gentle spirit; they are not silent, but prudent (knowing when and where to speak).

Wives should seek to know exemplary women

Peter gives Sarah as an example, and the Bible is clear that she is flawed. She is exemplary for her honesty and repentance, not because she is perfect; she ultimately did submit to God and to her husband.

Wives should fight fear

Fear (what if it doesn’t work out? what if I’m unhappy? what if my husband makes a bad decision?) makes life miserable and should be fought against by faith.

Submission Does Not Mean:

1. A husband is in ultimate authority.
2. A wife does not have independent thoughts.
3. A wife does not seek to influence her husband.
4. A wife must obey her husband’s command to sin.
5. A wife is less intelligent or competent than her husband.

Submission Does Mean:

1. A husband and wife are equal with complementary roles.
2. Wives are to submit like Jesus did in Gethsemane (Luke 22:42).
3. Husbands are to lovingly lead like Jesus does the Church (Eph. 5:25).
4. A single woman should only marry a man she can follow.
5. Christian marriage shows the Trinity and the gospel.