on baby wise and sleep

our precious girl...eleven weeks already. can't believe it.

adjusting to being a mama has been hard but so incredibly worthwhile. i am so thankful to have a husband who supports me working or staying at home, and who encourages me to pursue motherhood and my career. we are both grateful that i can stay home full time right now with Em, since we both believe these are formative months, and it's important that i be the one teaching and bonding with her. she is precious, and i love being her mama.

the very best part of having her is having the peaceful sleep schedule that she has. before she was born, everyone joked that we would never get sleep and it became very discouraging as we approached her birth. this has absolutely not been the case at all, and i am SO thankful for the mamas who assured me that a schedule was both doable and would create peace for our whole family. people often ask me, "how i did it", and i have to say, the Lord has been especially gracious giving us a little one who LOVES sleep, and who is happy and compliant. i am NOT an expert by any stretch of the imagination. i read A LOT before she was born, and sought the advice from mamas who had babies who slept well.

i am so thankful for my friend Cathi, who recommended the baby wise method of sleep training to me. this method has gotten some controversy attached to it recently, and i will say if your child is not gaining weight, is a preemie, or has trouble nursing, this should be discussed with your care provider. the controversy stems from many parents doing baby wise incorrectly; and watching the clock instead of actually reading the book and learning your child's cues. you have to always put your child's immediate needs ahead of the "schedule', no matter what. i believe that there are families who do attachment parenting who have wonderful children and are good parents, but for us, baby wise works. for our lives, we need a schedule. every child is different and every parent needs to make that decision on their own, for their child.

Emmy wakes up at 9:30am for her first feed, then stays awake and plays for an hour, then lays down for a 1.5 hour nap. this cycle is repeated through the day until her bedtime at 10pm, when she sleeps through the night. She wakes from her nap early sometimes, and if she is hungry, i feed her. but normally, she just sleeps right up til her next feed. this cycle has made her into a happy, content baby who is cheerful in the awake time, and puts herself to bed without any crying for naps. she never slept in our bed, and moved from her bassinet to her own crib at 2 weeks old, and has slept there very happily ever since. contrary to public belief, baby wise is NOT about abandoning or neglecting your child (in fact, it's the opposite) when the child is seeing a regular pediatrician, is growing healthily, and parents pay attention to the cues. the articles that have misleading information (and that were forwarded to me about 18 times before we had the baby) are not research based, nor even medically factual. emmersyn is gaining weight appropriately, and is developmentally ahead of her age.

what i am most thankful for is the absolute PEACE that this has brought our family. i know when she will be awake, when she will be asleep, and can therefore enjoy her awake time without being tired or stressed out. it makes me a much happier healthier mama. it also allows me to have about four naps worth of time to get the house cleaned, make meals, do laundry, see friends, and work from home. MOST IMPORTANTLY, she is well rested. her good rest enables her to be alert and happy during awake time, and more able to learn and develop during our activities during the day. she has 15 minutes of independent play per hour of awake time, and we do tummy time and reading and a walk every day. TO OTHER NEW MOMS: you can do this! it's not impossible. it's hard but completely manageable.

Here's the books that helped me:

why my two month old gets an easter basket

it's no secret that i LOVE holidays. it's sad, really, my love for holidays. i get really excited about stuff like matching outfits (and yes, we will be color coordinated for Easter, in case you were wondering). a silly dream i have had was getting to buy those beautiful Easter dresses for my daughter, and this year, i finally got to! Emmersyn's beautiful Gymboree dress is absolutely gorgeous and has a giant hat to accompany it. (I can't really see a whole lot of her face under the hat, to be honest).

my husband and i got her a little pink Easter basket this year, tinged with yellow and green, and waiting to be filled with all kinds of little girl toys. i know that she is tiny, unaware of what Easter is, and she probably won't care when we prop her up with her basket for photos. but it's about more than the Easter basket. its about parenting intentionally, about creating family memories from the moment she was born.

when we married in december of 2010, the pastor who did our counseling gave us a book to read together called, "Loving Your Kids on Purpose", in order to discuss parenting before we got married and had children. i love this book. while we didn't agree with it 100%, we loved the idea behind parenting with intention, and not "on accident". my husband and i also agree with a lot of mark driscoll's parenting philosophies (though not always his delivery of them), about creating a fun, joy-filled and family centered life for our children. Driscoll says that we need to,

"create an environment where Jesus is celebrated. Salvation is beautiful. It is something to be cherished and rejoiced in. Creating intentional, fun-filled holiday memories can be part of that, particularly at Easter and Christmas, when the birth and resurrection of Jesus are to be rejoiced over with our children. We can leave them a spiritual legacy through this".

Driscoll particularly challenges fathers to step up and make intentional parenting decisions for their children, rather than looking backwards and realizing that it's been too long and now the children are grown. Drew reads to Emmy every night. Does she understand? Possibly, but it's more about creating that environment of learning and love, an environment where her daddy will take time to read to her above all the other things he needs to do. I remember my dad reading to us almost every single night when we were little, and i cherish those memories to this day. We read narnia, patricia st. john books, and little house on the prairie...night after night.

we are by no means expert parents, but we are trying to start early with our Em; setting aside time each day for reading, music, playtime, praying, and time together as a family. She is still so tiny, just eleven weeks, but I know that starting these habits early will help shape the legacy we will leave her when she is grown.

so she will get an Easter basket this year and we will rejoice in the resurrection of our Saviour with our little one.

March 2012

Our sweet Emmy Grace is 2 months old! She is so precious, and learning all kinds of exciting things. We have definitely become "those" parents, who think everything their child does is brilliant. :)

Emmy is trying to roll over, and when she plays on the floor, she tries to swing her right arm around to roll over! She hasn't succeeded yet, but she is sure trying.

We have reached the independent play age, and she is doing great. I lay her on her playmat for 15 minutes per every hour of awake time, and she is reaching and grabbing for toys.

She also has "tummy time" for 10-15 minutes a day, and is holding her head up and tracking me with her eyes when I walk around the house. We are so pleased to see her developing and growing so healthily.

Best of all, she is sleeping beautifully. She sleeps from 10pm-7:30 or 8am without waking up once. we start our day together around 9:30, and I do baby wise cycles with her (eat, awake for 1 hour, sleep for 1 1/2hours) all day until 7, when she has a bath before her nap. At ten, we wake her for the last time, swaddle, and have a bedtime story with her daddy, then we all go to bed. I cannot tell you how wonderfully peaceful it has been since she has gotten the hang of her schedule, about five weeks ago. Drew and I are able to sleep 8-10 hours a night, and we all wake up rested and happy! I'm so thankful she is a fabulous napper and sleeper. Doing baby wise is very hard work at the beginning, but well worth the dedication. Now, I have resumed my normal life. I can go out with friends or shopping and she is perfectly happy and content, and sticks to her schedule wherever we are! It makes life so easy with her, and I know it makes me a "happy mama" and not grumpy mama!

I'm about to turn 24 (weird!) next week! Cannot believe I am married with a little one! Drew continues to love his job at Moto-Superstore, and I am grateful every day that I don't have to work outside our home right now. The moments with our daughter are precious, and I would have a really hard time being away from the little for these first months. Though it has been a REALLY hard adjustment being a stay at home mama (and some days, I admit, I don't enjoy it as much as I should), I remain thankful that I get to raise our little, and not leave her with anyone else all day long. I love that she recognizes me now, and smiles when I come to get her from her crib after naps or in the morning. I wouldn't trade that for anything!

We have discussed that I will most likely be going to work towards late summer, for maybe 5-6 days a month, maximum. This will help boost our student loan payments, and still allow me to be home 6 days a week with E. Right now, she keeps me plenty busy, and I have also recently taken on four new clients for Wonderment. I am excited about the growth of my company, as it allows me to contribute to paying down my student loans while still being at home. I love what I do; getting to be a part of these artist's journeys is amazing. We are so blessed to have a weekly date night still, every week, without E. We leave her with my parents, or family friends and she does great. It's so nice to spend time together to re-fuel and keep our marriage strong.

We feel so blessed to be parents, and blessed to have a happy, fun marriage. God is truly so good to us!

Our Emmy

Our little Emmy-bear is growing up so fast!

heavenly work.

i emptied the dishwasher, changed my clothes twice, got the baby fed, into bed, and dressed.

that's what i got done yesterday. that, and ruining my good, expensive bath rugs in the wash.

i used to be a really productive person, i've worked since i was 16, and i now own my own company.

ask me who i am, and i'll tell you what i do.

i worked until i was 36 weeks pregnant, and i truly miss my job. i love work. i enjoy the structured schedule, the emails, the clerical work, the ringing phone. i find joy in work.

i'm a stay at home mom now, and i'd be lying if i said the transition has been easy. easing from the hustle and bustle of an office to constant time at home has felt like a deafening silence. i am working solely from home these days, often holding the baby and typing emails with one hand. i make phone calls during nap time, and eat smoothies and burritos because i can eat them fast while she is sleeping. some days, its a victory when i get makeup and clean clothes on and don't smell like spit-up. it's hard. i cannot define myself by what i do, because i am not doing more than keeping the baby and i clothed and fed most days!

but i read on a blog yesterday that this hard task, this day-consuming work of tending to my little one..it's heavenly work. it's not work praised by the world, or work that i can put on a resume. it's taking care of the least of these. i'm a mom now. i'm a wife and a full-time mommy and that's who i am.

and i was the first to fight that role before i had the baby. when i had her, i clarified, loudly, that i was still "working from home", lest anyone think that i was "just" being a mom. i said i wouldn't lose who i was before i had her, that i would keep my hair styled and not change my wardrobe and i would go back to work when she was 12 weeks old. and i was wrong. motherhood changes you whether you will it to or not. you become a person of more substance and more depth. sure, i still want to look nice and do my hair and wear makeup and do excellent work for my company. but i'm less selfish now...you can't be selfish when the baby is crying. you can't be selfish when you're changing diapers. you have to give and give and give and the baby can't really return any of it. i do feel some days like i've lost a little bit of who i was, but that's necessary. i still love time with my friends, i love getting out by myself and getting a babysitter so i can grab a starbucks. but it all matters less now, because i love my sweet daughter and i love being her mom. i believe i still can retain who i was, at least to a degree. i'll go back to work eventually, part time, but it doesn't really matter whether i'm working or not, because it doesn't define me. this is hard work, but its heavenly work because i depend every single day on others to help me. on my sweet husband, on my mom to help watch her when i have errands, on the guy at the grocery store to load my car, on others for meals and help and babysitters and errands. i can't do it alone. and it's heavenly work because i have to depend on the Lord. every single second.

if i am what i do, then what i do is very little according to my old standards. it's diapers and feeding and dishes. but i am not what i do.

i'm a mom. and a wife. and that is simply enough.

welcome emmersyn!

it's incredibly hard to believe that three weeks has already gone by since we first met our sweet girl! she is so beautiful and healthy, and brings us such joy. i can hardly remember our lives before her.

The birth: I'll spare you the details, but labor was long and hard. as in, 27 hours hard. i went into labor at 5:30am on the 11th of January, and after an exhausting 23 hours, had not even progressed to halfway (5 cm). After threats of a c-section were looming, I had the epidural and progressed to 10 cm in four hours quickly (and mercifully painlessly). After only 20 minutes of pushing, our sweet girl was born, pink and screaming. I was very disappointed to have the epidural at first, but with all my other various complications, it was the safest, best decision and prevented me from having a c-section, for which i am really grateful. Emmersyn was born at 8:23am on January 12th, and immediately nursed and slept. We spent two days in the hospital recovering (and racking up a hospital bill to the tune of 8k!) and I can't say enough good things about my doctor or the nurses at the hospital. such kind, wonderful people, and they made the difficult birth much more manageable. i'm pretty sure the anesthesiologist who gave me the epidural will be a hero to me forever. he had to put in an epidural at 3am, into a tiny spinal space, while i was hysterically sobbing and shaking from the pain and the hormones. i've never been so happy to see anyone in my whole life.

i've been recovering well, and bounced back quickly, thankfully. Emmersyn has been a great eater/sleeper and has made the transition fairly smooth. she had one night of waking up 17 times to eat, but otherwise has been very easy. She is on a great schedule now, only waking a few times to eat at night, and has a very regular schedule during the day. helps keep my day predictable and allows me to run errands/clean the house. i've been able to keep my work-from-home jobs (ccm magazine and social media marketing) which keeps me sane and productive. i love being home with emmy and am grateful i don't need to work outside the home for now. She is making great eye contact now and is tons of fun to play with and watch during the day. i've lost a total of 34 pounds since she was born and have only 12 more to go before i'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight! she keeps me busy and active ;)

i love being her mommy! drew is a fabulous dad, always pitching in and changing diapers/watching her. she loves him and turns to his voice whenever she hears him. it's a blast being parents, though the first few weeks were hard, now we are functioning normally again and it feels great! we are so thankful!

extra-special needs

My nieces and nephews have always had a special place in my heart. Because my oldest sister is 9 years my senior, I became an auntie to Bethany Jane when I was 15. Instantly, I was enamored with these tiny people, with their laughter and their light. Then followed Timothy James, Benjamin Lee, Allyson Lynn, Beck Christopher, Jack Henry and Nolan Alexander...each one even more adorable than the last! I carry constant current photos on my iPhone so I can show, well, anyone who will look. They are precious and wonderful, and it's been a joy to watch my husband embrace his title of "Unca Dwew" by marriage into my family. ("Unca Dwew" is also much better at assembling trains, playing basketball, and fixing broken toys than Auntie Gwace, making him a popular commodity among the under-5 crowd).

When Benjamin started having seizures three years ago, he was a towheaded bundle of energy and laughter, just three years old and the light of our lives. We had no idea how it would change our whole family's lives, especially that of my sweet sister. She has walked quite a journey with her husband, the past three years, researching tirelessly and finding the best answers available. Currently, Ben is on a ketogenic diet, which has shown some improvement, and we are really thankful. He still battles seizures, as well as learning challenges posed by his difficult seizure history. We've gotten scary phone calls that Ben had a grand-mal once or twice, and every time, my heart breaks for him, but he's still a trooper, has a smile that brings tears to my eyes, and a joy that overcomes even his cloudy post-seizure moments. He is so precious.

What I've learned is that special needs don't just affect the child and their parents, they reach far into their extended family, into their church, into their community. My sister is so blessed with wonderful friends, who step in regularly to help her with Benjamin's extensive needs, and make sure her other kiddos get ample play time as well. I wish that we lived closer, but because we don't, its been awesome to watch her friends and church rally around her/her family! Special needs have touched us in a very close way, both through Benjamin and Drew's niece, Livvy, who has severe autism and learning disabilities. There are no guarantees in life, that your children will be healthy, but there is a guarantee that the Lord will work it for good. What a blessing Benjamin is to us, what a blessing to see the disability ministry that my sister helped start in her church.

Every time I see Benjamin smile, I am reminded not of his special needs, but of my own need and reliance on Christ. Christ, who is always good, even when seizures are wreaking havoc on Ben's little life, even when we don't understand.

God is still good, still present, still working. I see it in Ben's smiles!

Hello 2012!

It's shaping up to be a pretty exciting year for us, considering our tiny girl is set to arrive any day! We can't wait to be parents. I decided to make some new years resolutions for 2012; pretty sure I can at least accomplish number 3:)

1) love Jesus: excited to be starting a bible study with a friend

2) love my little family; I get to be a MOM!

3) have a baby!!!

4) grow my company: Do great work. Period. I want to gain more clients and do the best work possible.

5) pass my NCLEX. I've let the fear of failing a second time scare me into not re taking it yet and it's time to go for it. Im back to studying because I DO love being a nurse more than being scared of failing.

6) go back to work. It's been an up and down battle with going to work or not, but we have decided I will go back to work possibly around May or June, for 1-2 days a week. Preferably on call at Providence. I feel the Lord has gifted me to be a nurse and I truly love it. Though I hate to leave my tiny girl, we feel at peace this is the right decision.

7) pay off our debt! We have only student loan debt, but we feel it's irresponsible to let it summer any longer than it needs to. So we want to pay it off quick!

8) try new things! Cook more. Decorate my house. Become a homemaker.

9) LOSE ALL MY BABY WEIGHT BY MARCH! Everyone says I have to allow 9mos to lose it all.. Not gonna happen... I have always been tiny and love to run. I'm confident I can lose it fast!

I also have a brand new pair of jeans to motivate me in my pre pregnancy size :)

A note to our friends and family

To our wonderful family and friends:

We are so, so grateful to have so many wonderful people around us for Emmersyn's birth. We are excited to meet our daughter, and are thankful that she is already so well-loved. We have had nothing but wonderful support in our journey of this pregnancy.

We wanted to share a little bit of our plan surrounding her birth, so that all our friends and family can be on board, and can help support us. We would love to have you all visit and see her right away, but that's not feasible or practical, so we wanted to share the general timeline of visiting/etc to help ease the transition.

Birth:

We are delivering the baby at Providence Medford, barring emergency complications that would send us to Rogue's more advanced NICU. We are having a private, natural Bradley birth, and we ask that visitors not "drop by" during this time. We will not be sharing information on Facebook or Twitter until she is born, to lessen distractions during labor. Please know we will post information in the event of an emergency, otherwise we are focused on the baby and labor. If you call or text us for updates, Drew and I will not have our phones available during the labor. For the first two hours after her delivery, we will not be seeing any visitors as part of our birth plan. After two hours, we or my parents will begin calling/updating our loved ones and friends via Facebook/twitter/phone (barring emergency problems). We ask that you not drop by the hospital unless we call you to let you know it is an appropriate time. Drew will be greeting all visitors at the hospital, and we ask that visitors leave all little ones at home because of flu season. Thanks for understanding! We love your children, and would love our tiny girl to meet your sweet kids when she is a little bigger/stronger :) Please do not come to the hospital or visit if you have been sick with a cold recently.

After we go home:

We surely will love for you to meet our daughter! Please allow us time at home as we adjust to being parents of a newborn. Please text Drew or I before dropping by the house. We would love to see you at appropriate times when we are feeling up to it. If we don't answer, please know we appreciate you and will return your call/visit when we are able to. We will be doing the "babywise" type scheduling for our little one, and appreciate flexibility and understanding for her schedule after she is two weeks old. This may mean she will be nursing/sleeping when you drop by, thanks for understanding and being flexible :)

Many of you have offered meals and you have no idea how appreciated that would be! Thank you for thinking of us in this very practical way. Please know even if we can't visit when you arrive, we are thankful for any meal. You can text us or my mom to coordinate a meal. We would love that.

Most of all, THANK YOU for loving us and our little one so well! We consider ourselves SO blessed to have such wonderful friends and family, and hopefully this helps you understand what the first few weeks may look like for us.

Love,

Grace, Drew, and soon to arrive Emmy Aspinwall

a year, a baby, and two go-bags

we celebrated a year of marriage yesterday! can't believe it's been that long, but also can't believe how many things we've been through in just 365 days. We were married Dec 12, 2010, with literally barely 200 dollars to our name...We honeymooned in Disneyland and then moved into the world's tiniest apartment. we learned, after moving in, that this apartment had no oven. it also had no laundry machine, and no dishwasher. We spent many nights at the laundromat (which i refused to go to alone because i was afraid i was going to get "stabbed and murdered", even though it was perfectly safe) watching movies and doing work. We also spent many nights cooking in a toaster oven. By "we", i mean me burning food for the first month solid. I now feel very proud that I can cook in a teeny oven and produce edible casseroles in a 9x9 pan. Nevermind the turkey meatball disaster and the charred brownies. (Cooking in a toaster oven is a very interesting experience. Everyone should try it, because when you have a real oven, you want to hug it every single day. For real.) I have actually learned to bake. Amazing, I know. My limited repertoire now includes applesauce coffee cake, caramel walnut cookies, muffins, and cupcakes. We eat a lot of applesauce coffee cake :)

I also now have a dishwasher.

I may or may not hug it as well.

We also spent the second month of our marriage in the hospital. Nearly going blind and being rushed to the hospital does wonders to bring you closer as a couple! My husband never once even seemed slightly stressed, even when the bills started rolling in...to the tune of thousands AFTER insurance. We were blessed with really good jobs and supplemental income, and amazingly, by sticking to a budget, we have paid off every single hospital bill from this year. We've stashed money into savings, and moved into a home that is almost three times the size of our first one bedroom. The Lord is good and always provides.

Month five of our marriage brought a happy surprise; news that a tiny member of our family was on their way. I finished nursing school amid morning sickness and graduated with a 10-week baby bump! We found out she was a girl when we were 18 weeks along and have been in love with her sweet little button nose and rosebud lips ever since.

We've walked through most of a difficult pregnancy, two eye surgeries, hospitalizations, moving, a car breaking down, buying a new car, making a budget, graduation, nursing school, a failed NCLEX, new jobs, a date night every tuesday, paying bills, building a crib, decorating a new house, and the joys of everyday life for a year. I couldn't be more thankful for walking through all of it with my very best friend. Drew is kind, slow to argue, quick to lend a hand, and ever patient with my hormones and tears and trips to the hospital. Here we are, a year into this, happier than ever. Armed with a tiny pink carseat, two "go-bags" and awaiting our tiny girl. God is truly good.

"I have found the one my soul loves!" Songs 3:4

five years.

drew and i had an impromptu date last night; since we don't have internet hooked up yet, we went to Starbucks to have coffee together and catch up on various work. two for one holiday drinks make for a yummy and inexpensive date night. while we were sitting there, i ran into an old friend. i hadn't seen him in about five years, so he didn't know i was married or pregnant. i was shocked to see him, since he looked so much different than i had remembered. years ago, i would have considered him a close friend. he came to some of my birthday parties, and we had a group of friends we hung out with often. he was always the life of the party. funny, smart and everyone's buddy. i had heard he wasn't doing well, but i didn't know the extent at all. when i saw him last night, i saw just a glimpse of the guy i once knew.

he's homeless now.

battling poverty, addiction, medical conditions, and a crumbled relationship.

i almost didn't recognize him.

gone was the clean cut, sharp, funny and sweet twenty-something,

and there in his place stood a weathered, sad, and so-much-older man.

five years is a long time.

i left starbucks hand in hand with my husband. my precious, giving, adoring husband. feeling my tiny daughter happily wiggling. in our warm car, headed to a new, warm house.

how sobering.

a little news from our corner of the world...

the biggest piece of news is that we've moved!

our sweet little townhouse feels like a mansion to us after leaving our 330 square foot apartment! this new place is almost three times that size. we love the new carpet, new paint and new floor features of it, but i also love the dishwasher, oven, and laundry machines that i did not have in our last apartment. i volunteered to bring three side dishes to our family thanksgiving because i was so excited about baking :) Emmy's room has the crib at least set up in it, looks great and is so sweet. we decided on white, charcoal grey and hot pink for her colors.

the second piece of news is that i got a new job! surprising, since i wasn't really looking; this totally fell right into my hands. i'm now doing social media consulting and management for three local companies. it pays great and is 100% at home. i am very excited; as it gives me a chance to expand my repertoire and use my skills learned in three years of marketing at a university. i'm considering offering this as part of my company eventually. i'm working on some new music with a few new artists as well. i'm overwhelmed with gratitude with the opportunity to make a good income and also not lose out on time with my tiny baby girl. i've wanted to be a stay at home mama at least until she's bigger, and this allows me to do both.

that's all for us...just gearing up for thanksgiving, and unpacking boxes. Emmy continues to grow at a rather alarming rate (to me!), and kicks and wiggles all day long. she is a complete doll; pretty much sleeps when i sleep and wakes when her daddy leaves for work. she responds to our voices by moving her head towards whoever is speaking. we are so in love with her tiny little wiggly self <3

33 weeks...

only about 7 more weeks till we meet our sweet girl. these moments are so precious...i can't wait to meet Emmersyn, but this special time is going by so fast. last night, i watched my husband read her a bedtime story (all about Princess Belle :) and i felt the tears welling up. she loves her daddy. she wakes up when he talks to her, and she loves bedtime stories already! watching him talk to her and already love being her daddy only makes me love him more! we are exceedingly blessed.

why we chose a natural birth

i've gotten A LOT of comments about our choice to do the Bradley method. Most involve horrific stories of traumatic births and emergency C-sections, followed by lengthy lectures about why I will want an epidural "for sure" and how I can't possibly know how horrible birth is. The worst have been people asking if I "think I am better than them because I am choosing natural birth". So i'm here to set the record straight.

I most definitely do NOT think I am better than any mama who has chosen an epidural, a c-section, or a medicated labor. I respect any woman who has put her body through carrying these tiny babies, and getting through any kind of birth should be celebrated! I do not think I am a better mama, a more educated person, or holier-than-thou for choosing an unmedicated birth.

Next, I love modern medicine. Unlike a few other natural birth aficionados, my husband and I have nothing but respect and admiration for our healthcare team. As a nurse, I respect others who have chosen the healthcare field, and definitely do not think all of modern medicine is full of conspiracy and evil. I know these things happen in healthcare, but we have been very blessed with a healthcare team at Providence who are WONDERFUL, gifted and supportive. We have not chosen a home birth, nor do we feel that is the right choice for our particular situation. I have a number of health concerns including asthma, potential for a repeated eye rupture, and previous cardiac complications that necessitate me being in a hospital setting. It makes us feel very comfortable knowing we have a capable and caring team of individuals around who want the best for Emmersyn and I. I am thankful for oxygen, IV pumps, the ability to have a C-section in 5 minutes, and the ability for monitoring of our sweet girl.

I also love my doctor (in a non-creepy way). My husband and I have found a wonderful, Christian doctor who cares about our family and prays for our daughter. He takes time to make personal calls to us whenever Emmersyn has new scans or appointments, and we have never felt rushed, or hurried out the door. I think choosing a doctor is very important, and we feel great about our choice. I certainly trust his judgement. If a complication arises, we know he will give us the best, most appropriate options, and his openness to my birth plan is reassuring. I feel confident that, if I were unable to make medical decisions for myself, that our doctor would choose the best option with my husband.

I love the Bradley. Eating healthy, exercising, and learning to relax through the pain is incredibly inspiring and makes me feel calm and collected going into labor. My husband has been incredible supportive of this method and has done his part to learn the material and practice with me. That being said, we are not dead-set on a drug free birth. We want a healthy baby. If something happens and we can't have a natural birth, I will be sad but not heartbroken.

I am not obsessed with the Bradley, nor do I center my life around it. I pray for our daughter and for my strength during labor, and the Lord will deliver her however He would like. We can work hard and learn the material, but overall, the Lord is in control.

The absolute worst thing that I have heard involves speculation about how awful it would be if Emmersyn had special needs. Me having/not having electronic fetal monitoring, having/not vaccinations, or particular types of labor and somehow linking that to the "horror" of having a child with special needs is incredibly tacky to bring up. We have many friends and family members who have been blessed with children with special needs. What a dishonor we do them when we assume that we know the cause/prevention of their "new normal". I have done everything within my ability to protect our tiny daughter, and I will for her whole life! But I cannot control her having or not having special needs. We will love and embrace her no matter what. We had an 18 week ultrasound to determine her gender and they were able to check for Down's Syndrome. Her ultrasound was negative for Downs, clubfeet, and other heart defects, and we were thankful. And I admit, my heart stopped for a brief moment when I realized she could have any sort of handicap. But we love our daughter. She is ours, she is precious, and she is perfectly made.

"Having a child with special needs is NOT a tragedy. The tragedy would be raising a child who is cruel to someone with special needs". -Unknown