i'm her mama.

i had a job interview this morning; for an amazing job as a clinic nurse. it was a job i had seen previously available, and hoped to apply in the future. working under a very renowned surgeon, full benefits, pay almost double what i was making previously, and a beautiful clinic with a pleasant staff. i was thrilled! i love the O.R., and was so excited to think that i'd be able to scrub in on very exciting surgeries and procedures. the interview went very well, so well that the office was prepared to offer me the position tomorrow. to think, i would be working under one of the best surgeons in the nation!  things were going great, right up until the woman mentioned that it was  36 hours a week. because it was listed as part time, i didn't realize it was still four days a week. so i turned down the job, The Job, my dream job. 

Because i'm a mama. Her mama. and i love being her mama.

i get paid in giggles and smiles and when she wraps her hands around my neck, my world stops.

i admit, i cried a little bit after i turned down that job, but i cried harder when i thought about leaving my baby for almost every hour she's awake during the daytime. (by the way, i am so blessed to be a stay at home mama. for this season in our lives, i am able to be her mama full time. i am so proud of my husband, who works so hard so i can stay home. he received a raise and promotion at work, and i know it reflects the hard work he has put into his job, even when its not the easiest work.)

see, i miss my days of working; i was good at my job. but i've realized much of it was so gratifying. when i did  a great job, i was commended. recognized. thanked. 


now, when i do a "great job", it means that instead of numerical data and statistics that show i am succeeding, i have dinner on the table and a clean floor. it means my husband comes home to a happy baby and a wife who managed to get makeup and clean clothes on. not every day is "great"...most days my husband comes home to a wife who smells slightly of spit up, or a baby who is whining because i'm trying to juggle making dinner and holding her. there are no "raises", or "promotions" in my new job, at this mysterious calling of being a mom. some days are thankless, tiresome battles with a tiny little girl who doesn't want to nap.

but every day...every single day, i get to be her mom! and she amazes me. my days of office work are behind me for now...i don't get to wear high heels and pretty outfits and sit at my desk and be "important" in the eyes of the world. i haven't touched the inside of an OR or scrubbed in alongside a big-shot doctor in a year now. i miss it sometimes.

but the tiny arms that wrap around my neck? the sweet, kissable cheeks? the giggles that greet me each morning? it's the Lord's way of reminding me that i'm important to Him, i'm important to my husband, i'm important to Emmersyn.

i'm her mama.