Friday, October 16, 2009

darkness. sunrise.

God is always in the darkness.
We love to find Him in the morning sunrise, but when darkness falls, He's still there.
This week has been a series of disappointments. I thought I was going to be able to see Drew this weekend, since I have not seen him in almost fourty days, but his travel plans changed and I won't be able to see him until December; a blow that hit me hard. I found out I lost a scholarship I thought I was still eligible for. I got a C on a test at school that I studied for weeks for. I am struggling to understand things in school, and struggling to get enough sleep. I coordinate volunteers for large concerts on the West Coast, and this week two shows had volunteers cancel, leaving me in a last minute panic. I worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital, which was terrific but exhausting. It's been one thing after another, with loan holdups and financial aid problems, and stress at my day job. I have felt on the edge of a breakdown all week.
God is still present.
Sounds simple, doesn't it. Sounds like I would have 'gotten' it by now, doesn't it? Not me.
I struggled to see God in this all week. I cried that I am struggling financially. I cried that I wouldn't get to see my fiance for another two months. I cried that I was failing at my work. I cried because I was just plain exhausted. But God is still present. He is still God, and He keeps showing up.
He showed up in my patients room, when I held her hand and helped her breathe.
He showed up in a few people who offered to volunteer for another concert later in the year.
He showed up in the Love of my fiance, who has been there for me every second, with emails, and text messages, and video chats and 2am phone calls filled with tears.
He shows up and He keeps showing up. I am thankful.
Sunrise always happens, even when the night is darkest.
He even shows up when I forget to look for Him.

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