Friday, May 29, 2009

listen to the sound of a heartbeat and the tidal wave of trust

well, i had an eventful week last weekend. on thursday night i was nannying, and began to have slight chest pain. i normally have bouts of chest pain, so i sat down, knowing it would go away quickly. when it didnt, i went the route of the inhaler, hoping to alleviate the shrinking state of my lungs. when that didnt help, i laid down, which only made it worse. by this point, i was struggling to breathe, and pain started shooting up and down my jawline and wrapping around the back of my head. being a nursing student is sometimes unfortunate, and this was one of those times. i knew that jaw pain and left arm pain indicates a stroke of a heart attack, and my parents quickly rush me to ER. by the time i got there, my vitals were through the room, and i was doubled over in pain. thankfully i was rushed into a room where my heart rate hit 120, nearly twice what it should have been. what a scary experience. my blogging friend kate wrote a post recently that asked "where is God when." you know, when things are hard, when the darkness creeps in, when you become a single mom, or your marriage falls apart. i didnt know that God shows up too, in the middle of what feels like cardiac arrest. but He does.
when youre lying in a hospital bed, on the receiving end of IV's and medications (instead of being the one giving medications, like i had been just earlier in the morning), you see things a little differently. you lose control of the situation, and you realize you were never in control in the first place. it feels helpless and scary and totally out of control.
i went from giving my patient an oxygen tube that morning to desperately praying for one that evening, and breathing the rush of air when it was secured. how quickly things can change.

what a level of trust you have to have when God strips you of all you know, and all you think you can control.

i worked as an OB nurse this last week, rocking precious little ones to sleep. giving them baths and holding them while their mommies sleep was one of my favorite rotations yet. they have these tiny stethoscopes for babies. these little miniature steths that still look huge when you place them on their tiny chests. and you strap in the earpieces...and you hear it.
the sound of a heartbeat. perfect, rapid, tiny heartbeats.

i thought of my blogging friend angie, who held her daughter audrey caroline for just over two hours last year, until her tiny heart stopped beating. and of another blogging friend jennifer, who prayed over her tiny son while his heart struggled to keep him alive. i hope we dont forget to take our heartbeats for granted. nor what God is trying to teach us in the midst of the tidal wave of trust that He wants to teach us.

He is sovereign.
He is always good.
All the time.

Oh that He would teach us that with each and every heartbeat.

Isaiah 2:1 Then Hannah prayed and said: "My heart rejoices in the LORD; in the LORD my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance.


Eric Paul said...

Grace, I pray you are feeling much better today. I think sometimes God allows us to feel and experience pain so that we can minister to others. He keeps you in the palm of His hand. Every heartbeat, every breath, is a gift from God.

Anonymous said...

it's amazing how quickly we can get stuck in a rut of "me, me, me". IT seems to be so easy to forget that we're not in control of even the smallest thing.
it's sad the amount of times God has to slap me upside the head to get my attention back.

Holly Myers said...

Love love this...I truly believe its those times when we are down on our face hurting to the point of desperation that God reaches into our souls embraces us and lifts our chin up and says "I am holding you" your blogs are amazing! I also love to

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