leftovers.

my weeks seem to get busier and busier. i work 22 hours a week as a public relations office manager at southern oregon university, and attend nursing school for 26 hours a week. on the weekends, i freelance for four different magazines, and serve as a volunteer coordinator for a concert agency. i am now working under my own company as an artist manager and publicist/booking agent. sometimes i travel on the weekends to various shows. its basically a circus. i wake up between 6 and 6:15 every morning and commute half an hour to school, and then get home around 9:00, when i can start my homework. i usually can crash into bed around twelve, but if i want to talk to my sweet fiance at all, it's around twelve. he is so incredibly supportive and patient. he went to bed at twelve the other night, and woke up to talk to me when i was done with homework around two am. since he's two hours ahead, it often means he will "nap" until im done with homework and wake up mid-sleep to call. it means alot that he will do this for me.

pete wilson posted something neat from the catalyst conference today, he posed a question from rob bell:

"Does your spouse and kids get the best of you or do they get the scraps leftover after you’re done building what you’re going to build?"

ouch. i cant think of all the times i have excused not making sufficient time for Drew, or worse, my scripture reading and prayer time, by saying that its simply nursing school, that i'm sure everyone understands because its 'just school.' while my fiance, family, and friends are all supportive, i am not entirely sure i should be excused that easily. regardless of school, its no excuse for me to shirk relationships/devotions. if i get straight A's and fail in my marriage-to-be, or lose all my friends than it doesnt matter after all. pete went on to point out his own personal struggle as a pastor, in balancing everything, and he said God convicted him to "not win at church and fail at home."

i dont want to win at nursing school to lose my time and heart.

i dont want to win as a publicist and agent to lose my time for my fiance.

i dont want to become the best manager to lose my best friends and family.

its just not worth it.

"He said, "That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself." luke 10:27

pretty sure that means my whole heart.