five year plan

i think if you had asked my husband or i our "five year plan" on our wedding day, it would have looked something like this: graduate from nursing school, land dream jobs, get out of student loan debt in a year, and try for a baby in 2012. it sure sounded nice on the day we said, "i do"!

and then on the exact day we marked five months of being married, two pink lines announced our little family was growing by one, faster than we thought.

I think that having a five year plan is really important for a marriage. as the pastor who did our premarital counseling said, " a marriage with no plan, no strategy to battle sin, no plan to handle finances and children, is a ship without a rudder." i think it's also important to remember Who is steering the ship!

a few nights ago, we discussed our new five year plan. still getting out of loan debt from my schooling. still wanting that dream job. but this time, as we talked, little e was wiggling away...e likes their daddy's voice and they wiggle when he talks close my my tummy! it's funny how the Lord can tip your plans upside down and you simply can't see what He is doing. but then, you realize He worked it all out ahead of you, and when you turn and look at the past that led you to today, you see a trail of faithfulness. The Lord provided jobs for us both, a cozy home, and enough income to well exceed our bills. He provided health insurance. He also took away the dream job i thought i wanted, in His mercy, because He knew i never would have been able to handle it while pregnant. it's astonishing, really, how the Lord orchestrates every little detail.

I don't know why i don't trust Him all the time.

i woke up yesterday to a cool breeze seeping in through our curtains, in the arms of my sleeping beloved husband, and feeling E welcoming the morning with a few happy wiggles. I am blessed beyond measure.

Marriage is about saying I Don't...

I said "I do" to my handsome and thoughtful groom almost three months ago. feels much longer. he is truly my best friend. we stay up way too late talking and laughing lately, which makes getting up for work quite the episode. we have recently walked through a rough few weeks with my surgery, but he has remained calm and collected, and has never left my side, vigilantly giving me eyedrops every hour and even getting me a pirate bear to match me, and bedazzling my ugly eye dr glasses. he is truly a giving kind of guy...always looking out for me and helping me with stuff around the house so i dont over exert my eye.

i have learned that marriage isn't about saying i do as much as it is saying "i dont". its dying to self. i am learning to say that...

i don't need to be right all the time. most of the time, i'm not, and it's not worth fighting just to make myself feel more important and correct.

i don't need to assume my schedule in nursing school, as hectic as it is, is more important than his.

i don't need to store up ammunition for arguments so i can fling them at appropriate times for leverage.

i don't get to whine and complain about the budget that keeps us on track for student loans, because in truth, my husband "gets" the money aspect more than me.

i don't get to be selfish in marriage. it's the fastest way to kill a relationship.

i said "i do" on our wedding day, but i i really learn to say "i don't" every day.

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me" Gal 2:20

blueberry muffins and burnt dinners

If you ask my husband, he probably won't agree just to be nice, but I am a terrible baker. I can manage to burn things that are in the oven for mere seconds. I promise. Cookies, bread, muffins, casseroles, (although I am getting better at these), rolls, cake. The list could go on...

I have realized lately that it's not about the burnt dinners, or in the case of this morning, burnt muffins. It's about making the time to do this anyways. See, my husband and I? We stay really busy during the week...between nursing school, my work at the University, managing artists, and my husband's job, we usually leave the house around 6 and get home around the same time. It's really hard to want to cook or clean the house when I am exhausted and facing homework and a full inbox. I had a good cry about this the other day, since as every nursing student knows, you need a good cry about every 3 weeks. It's how you survive. Anyways, I had a good sized pity party where I lamented being a failure to my patient husband. Between gulping sobs, I explained how I felt like I was slacking as a student, where my grades were steady B's, at work, where I sleepily move through my day, and as a manager, whom my artists had to work around my hectic schedule. And lastly, I bawled, as a wife. Husband, though sympathetic, doesn't let me wallow. It's one of his best traits. I am a DRAMA QUEEN, and I know it! He listened patiently, and then pointed out that I am not failing, I am just managing my time poorly. That is DEFINITELY not what i wanted to hear, but it was right on.
I DO have time to cook and clean, it just means I need to prioritize my family.

The Lord calls married women to be homemakers, plain and simple. To honor our husbands with the gifts that He has given us that our dear husbands, no matter how wonderful they are, simply are not given. if we are married, we are called to serve this way and find joy in being a wife.

Not fashionistas, perfect bakers, daily bloggers, or career women, (though those things can have their rightful place), but FIRSTLY homemakers.

I know there are those girls who blog daily and always have a perfect house, and manage to squeeze in social time, and still stay right on their household budget. They aren't me, friends.

On the other hand, some women take this to the OTHER extreme, and look with disdain on women who do have careers or who are getting their higher education. I think that too is unGodly. I know God has distinctly called me to do the things i am doing, and I do them well to serve Him. It's sad that people believe you have to be one or the other.

After reading sweet Kelly Needham's blog (Kelly is the wife of recording artist Jimmy Needham, and new mommy to Lively!), I was challenged to be a better wife. Kelly talked about her recent struggle with avoiding the tasks of her home. She, like me, made sure she had load of excuses to avoid housework, regular cooking, and various household tasks because she was so busy. At the brink of exhaustion, like me, she talked about how she felt like because she worked full time, she "deserved" to leave those other tasks undone because she was so tired. And since her husband was away much of the time, it meant she could slack off even more. She was convicted about her time outside her home as well. I find myself making these excuses: "Well, our house is so small!", and "we are tightly on a budget this month", "Well, we don't have kids yet" and "I'm so tired". Since we've been married, I am home a lot. partly because I am exhausted, and mostly because I enjoy being with my husband. BUT, I do have a terrible habit of working while at home. Email, homework, misc articles...they all find ways to consume me while I'm on the couch. Just because I work full time and go to school, doesn't mean my sweet husband doesn't need a clean house, an organized budget, and a little effort on my part to stop napping in sweatpants at the end of the day. I know I feel better when i put a little makeup on, do my hair, and put actual clothing on, and i know he appreciates it too. Even when the muffins are burnt, and dinner is a few minutes later, I can make the move to be more home-centered.

It's going to take a lot more effort, but I know i can definitely improve my poor attitude when it comes to cultivating my household. How about you?