i dont want to love my kids that much.

i was driving home from corvallis the other night, and pretty wiped out after my four-show tour weekend, working merchandise and promotion for west coast tours. i have developed a "buddy system" with drew and doug collingsworth, where we help each other stay awake during late night drives by talking to the other person(s). this particular night, my sweet fiance was sleeping on the floor of the van (the glamorous life of a rock star, obviously), and he was rapidly falling asleep. as my drive was an additional three hours, i called kevin, who was driving the van for the guys that night, and was also trying to stay awake. kevin and his wife have been married for i think over five years (correct me there, guys :), and drew and i have great respect for their marriage and their standards. they are dear friends who have become like family. kevin and i got started talking about marriage and kids, and we got onto the subject of parenting. clearly, drew and i are a while from having our own little aspinwalls, but kevin made such a tremendous point, i was excited to share it with drew and to blog about it as well.

kevin pointed out that the worst thing a parent can do is make their child believe they are the center of the universe. i had never thought of this, since i am very excited about eventually being a mom, and i had never been told that piece of advice before. kevin went on to explain that the best thing he can do for his kids is to love his wife above and beyond loving his kids. he said he wants his children to always know that their mom is the focus of his life after Jesus. he went on to illustrate the point by saying if a gunman came into his home, after trying to sacrifice himself for his wife and kids (which is the biblical role of the husband, modeling after Christ laying down His life for the church, the bride), and if it came down to choosing his wife or his kids, he would pick his wife. alot of people will disagree with that, and of course it sounds so counter-cultural, but if husbands truly are trying to be christlike, they will choose their marriage, which is a picture of Christ and His church. a dramatic explanation to be sure, but definitely one that stuck with me.

another site we have been encouraged by is justin davis from crosspoint church, where pete wilson also pastors. i have loved pastor wilson's sermons for awhile now (you can read his blog here), but have particularly enjoyed justin and his wife's blog, where they ultimately point to the redemption of God in an imperfect marriage. he has a great article right now called 'facebook didn't destroy my marriage." here's an excerpt:

if you are seeking to escape from your spouse rather than pursuing your spouse…Facebook isn’t your problem. If you are looking for a way to reconnect with the girl you took to prom your junior year instead of treating your wife like the prom queen, Facebook isn’t your problem. If you need to create an alternate personality, an online persona, and a profile that impresses some guy in Fargo, North Dakota more than the real you impresses your husband…Facebook isn’t your problem.

What would it look like for men and women to come clean and be honest and vulnerable and transparent with their wife or husband, no matter the cost? Could Facebook destroy that kind of commitment? How powerful would it be for husbands to love their wives with the sacrifice and unselfishness that Christ had for the Church…could Facebook simulate that? How unappealing would some girlfriend from 20 years ago be if wives were determined to honor and respect their husbands as unto the Lord?

great stuff.

oh that God will grant me mercy to be the kind of wife who loves my husband more than my kids.