there is a misconception about being a band wife (or, in my case, almost wife). everyone thinks it must just be the most glamorous job in the world, that it's all free concerts and easy income and getting to meet everyone on the ccm A-list. when i met drew in april of 2008, over two years ago now, i honestly didn't know what this life was all about. it sure sounded fun...getting to travel all the time, VIP passes to every single show, travel and concerts and flying and road trips. what was there not to like? and then it began, and it, quite honestly, has been the hardest thing i have ever done. it's so much more than fun and travel and friends, though it is those things, it also means that some nights, i get phone calls that are just six minutes long. for the whole day. we have never been together on a year anniversary. we have missed each other's birthdays for what is about to be the fourth birthday. it means we have to sit down and review iCals over videochat so we can get a date night. it means drew never gets to go to church on Sundays, and it means every time i go out to dinner with friends, i'm the only one without a date. it means valentines day, i get to go out with my girlfriends, because my valentine is somewhere in South Carolina, unloading a trailer. i don't get flowers and date night every week. i am lucky if i get one once a month. i spend my evenings staying up late enough to hear his voice. it means falling asleep with the iPhone in your hand. some nights it honestly just doesnt seem like its ever going to be easier...there have been many times when drew and i hang up the phone just discouraged. ask any band wife...they will tell you we all have meltdown nights...times when it just isnt fair, when all you want is NORMAL. i was thinking about this the other day...

my Ring means something. sometimes i forget how hard it is for Drew. at least i get community here at home. i have friends and school and work and as lonely as it is for me...it must be a hundred times harder for him. but when he asked me to marry him, he asked me to marry all of it. all the lonely nights and travel and anniversaries alone. and honestly? i wouldnt trade a moment. it's been a difficult, joyous ride, and my goodness, he loves me. God is so faithful to keep us together because everything else has tried to tear us apart, sometimes almost succeeding.

and so, when i took that beautiful diamond and he slipped it on my finger...it meant Yes.
Yes to lonely nights and Yes to short phone calls and Yes to this rough season we are in.
isn't that what Jesus does for us? He looks at all the reasons why He would stop being our Beloved...and He still says Yes, I want you and i save you and I redeem you, and I give you my name.

Yes.

How thankful i am for my beloved, and moreover, for my Beloved.

so not perfect.

a long time ago, a dear friend and fellow band wife told me, "you will never get used to saying goodbye! its because you love them so much, that watching them go rips your heart out." i got on a plane today, heading back to my world of finals and nursing school, and my sweetheart is gearing up for his back to back tour runs (he will be gone for nearly 30 dates BACK TO BACK! pray for him, he always seems to get a touch of the flu along the way.) i am so proud of him and SO thankful for the community of people who have surrounded us in this industry! we have been so blessed by artist, their wives, our peers and coworkers and their families. what an encouragement in what can become a very daunting and scary life: touring and touring and touring. a lady next to me on the plane today asked me what my fiance did, and i explained he was a road manager, and that he was gone much of the time. she looked at me for a second, and she said, "wow. i cant imagine how in the world y'all make THAT work!" she eyed my engagement ring, and added softly, "i dont think i could ever do that; go months without seeing my husband." i went quiet, my eyes still filled with goodbye tears that always fall, no matter how i try to hold them back. "i dont do it somedays", i explained. "somedays i cant do it anymore! i'm so not perfect. i mess this band wife thing up daily. i'm needy and clingy and i cry about everything. but he is wonderful. he is patient and kind and he loves me so very much. and he lets me cry and he adores me and he loves Jesus more than me. so i can do it because God grants me strength to love my Drew enough to hold us together. we are stronger now than ever. and he loves what he does and that makes me happy, to watch him get to do that! how many women can say their husband is doing what he loves and providing for them too? thats what he is going to be." the lady, probably taken aback by my overly-exuberant speech, just continued staring at my ring. "wow", she said after a long while, "i wish my husband loved me that much."


oh how thankful i am for my Drew. so my heart will keep getting ripped out and put onto airplanes. and its okay.
and i will continue to mess it up. and he will continue to love me. and he will forget to call between sound checks some days. and i will share him with artists and rehearsals. but we will make it.

soli deo gloria.