the ten things we want to teach our children

drew and i made  a list the other night, of ten things we want to pray for and instill in our children (don't worry, just one for now, i am NOT pregnant!). when you're raising children, particularly little ones, it's hard sometimes to focus on the bigger picture. it's hard to think about morals and manners and values when your days feel like endless runny noses and diapers and teething, but it's important. so important.
here's the list we came up with:

1) A love for Jesus and His people: a heart for serving and loving others, and a love for the church and it's people. Emmersyn is so blessed to have a church full of amazing people who all love her and pray for her and are modeling Christ-like service for her. Especially in her dad and Papa, who are usually first to the church to set-up, and last to leave after tear-down.

2) Manners and good attitudes: No whining! Nothing is worse than children who constantly whine and interrupt! I cannot count the times at some events when I am talking to someone, and their child comes up and screams in our faces, "MOM, MOMMY, MAMA! MOOOOM!!" it's awful.  We are already working with emmy on having a good attitude....lately she has been arching her back and screaming when we put her in the carseat...this is a good opportunity to gently instruct her to wait until she is buckled in.We expect good behavior, not perfection (kids need age appropriate expectations!). We know Emmersyn is capable of a happy attitude and a short attention span. We expect her to be happy during worship at church, but not to sit through a sermon. Age appropriate is key.

3) That we love her, and we will love the things she loves: No matter what path she chooses for a career or hobbies, we will invest in it 100%. Ballet, music, whatever. We will be there, cheering her on. We will also expect her to stick with the things she loves, and we will invest in those things, whether monetary or time. I love the chapter on this in the book "Growing Great Kids". I highly recommend it.

4) We love her, but we love Jesus first, and each other more. We will protect our marriage fiercely. Lord willing, we will weather storms together, as a team, and we will model a picture of Christ and His church in our marriage. We will not let our children divide us, be it regarding discipline, or simply our time. My parents have been married 33 years, and I think I maybe saw them argue once. I know they surely did, but they never let it interfere with us, or split them apart.

5) Empathy: That everyone is coming from a different perspective, and looking at things objectively will save them a lot of grief. (Emmersyn's dad is much better at this than me!)

6) A love for the arts: I grew up in a home where classical music was valued and impressed upon us. I am glad that I played the piano for 9 years, and thankful that my parents played lots of Mozart and Beethoven for us in our growing-up years. My parents pushed us to practice and practice, and even though i didn't love it then, now i know my love for music began there.

7) Responsibility; We will love our children, and provide for all their needs, but they will need to work for the things they want as well. My parents had a half/half philosophy when we were in high school and college, that they would help us with half of a large purchase like a car, but we needed to work to earn the rest.

8) A constant love for learning: Drew's dad is probably the best example of this; he is always looking for an opportunity to teach. Drew has inherited this wonderful characteristic, and I know that our children will love to learn if they're anything like their dad (I also pray they have his sense of direction, and his ability to do math, unlike me!)

9) The love for making a home beautiful: My mom taught us to cook, sew, iron, and clean. I take great joy in keeping up my house, and making it a beautiful place to live. We don't have a ton of extra money to invest in fancy stuff right now, since we are in a rental home, but I keep plenty of photo frames, and fresh flowers in our home. I don't let the house stay messy, and I enjoy being home, where we feel most comfortable. I have a newfound love of cooking, and try to make dinner 6 nights a week. I'm so thankful my mom instilled a love for homemaking in me, and i hope our children learn these skills.

10) A good friend: Both Drew and I have been blessed with lifelong friends in Wes and Teresa. Wes has been Drew's lifelong friend, and has become like family to me as well. Teresa has been my friend for over 16 years, and has stood by me in good times and bad. I pray our children find those people who they will share their hearts with, and who will move them to be more like Jesus.

on baby wise and sleep

our precious girl...eleven weeks already. can't believe it.

adjusting to being a mama has been hard but so incredibly worthwhile. i am so thankful to have a husband who supports me working or staying at home, and who encourages me to pursue motherhood and my career. we are both grateful that i can stay home full time right now with Em, since we both believe these are formative months, and it's important that i be the one teaching and bonding with her. she is precious, and i love being her mama.

the very best part of having her is having the peaceful sleep schedule that she has. before she was born, everyone joked that we would never get sleep and it became very discouraging as we approached her birth. this has absolutely not been the case at all, and i am SO thankful for the mamas who assured me that a schedule was both doable and would create peace for our whole family. people often ask me, "how i did it", and i have to say, the Lord has been especially gracious giving us a little one who LOVES sleep, and who is happy and compliant. i am NOT an expert by any stretch of the imagination. i read A LOT before she was born, and sought the advice from mamas who had babies who slept well.

i am so thankful for my friend Cathi, who recommended the baby wise method of sleep training to me. this method has gotten some controversy attached to it recently, and i will say if your child is not gaining weight, is a preemie, or has trouble nursing, this should be discussed with your care provider. the controversy stems from many parents doing baby wise incorrectly; and watching the clock instead of actually reading the book and learning your child's cues. you have to always put your child's immediate needs ahead of the "schedule', no matter what. i believe that there are families who do attachment parenting who have wonderful children and are good parents, but for us, baby wise works. for our lives, we need a schedule. every child is different and every parent needs to make that decision on their own, for their child.

Emmy wakes up at 9:30am for her first feed, then stays awake and plays for an hour, then lays down for a 1.5 hour nap. this cycle is repeated through the day until her bedtime at 10pm, when she sleeps through the night. She wakes from her nap early sometimes, and if she is hungry, i feed her. but normally, she just sleeps right up til her next feed. this cycle has made her into a happy, content baby who is cheerful in the awake time, and puts herself to bed without any crying for naps. she never slept in our bed, and moved from her bassinet to her own crib at 2 weeks old, and has slept there very happily ever since. contrary to public belief, baby wise is NOT about abandoning or neglecting your child (in fact, it's the opposite) when the child is seeing a regular pediatrician, is growing healthily, and parents pay attention to the cues. the articles that have misleading information (and that were forwarded to me about 18 times before we had the baby) are not research based, nor even medically factual. emmersyn is gaining weight appropriately, and is developmentally ahead of her age.

what i am most thankful for is the absolute PEACE that this has brought our family. i know when she will be awake, when she will be asleep, and can therefore enjoy her awake time without being tired or stressed out. it makes me a much happier healthier mama. it also allows me to have about four naps worth of time to get the house cleaned, make meals, do laundry, see friends, and work from home. MOST IMPORTANTLY, she is well rested. her good rest enables her to be alert and happy during awake time, and more able to learn and develop during our activities during the day. she has 15 minutes of independent play per hour of awake time, and we do tummy time and reading and a walk every day. TO OTHER NEW MOMS: you can do this! it's not impossible. it's hard but completely manageable.

Here's the books that helped me:

a little news from our corner of the world...

the biggest piece of news is that we've moved!

our sweet little townhouse feels like a mansion to us after leaving our 330 square foot apartment! this new place is almost three times that size. we love the new carpet, new paint and new floor features of it, but i also love the dishwasher, oven, and laundry machines that i did not have in our last apartment. i volunteered to bring three side dishes to our family thanksgiving because i was so excited about baking :) Emmy's room has the crib at least set up in it, looks great and is so sweet. we decided on white, charcoal grey and hot pink for her colors.

the second piece of news is that i got a new job! surprising, since i wasn't really looking; this totally fell right into my hands. i'm now doing social media consulting and management for three local companies. it pays great and is 100% at home. i am very excited; as it gives me a chance to expand my repertoire and use my skills learned in three years of marketing at a university. i'm considering offering this as part of my company eventually. i'm working on some new music with a few new artists as well. i'm overwhelmed with gratitude with the opportunity to make a good income and also not lose out on time with my tiny baby girl. i've wanted to be a stay at home mama at least until she's bigger, and this allows me to do both.

that's all for us...just gearing up for thanksgiving, and unpacking boxes. Emmy continues to grow at a rather alarming rate (to me!), and kicks and wiggles all day long. she is a complete doll; pretty much sleeps when i sleep and wakes when her daddy leaves for work. she responds to our voices by moving her head towards whoever is speaking. we are so in love with her tiny little wiggly self <3

why we chose a natural birth

i've gotten A LOT of comments about our choice to do the Bradley method. Most involve horrific stories of traumatic births and emergency C-sections, followed by lengthy lectures about why I will want an epidural "for sure" and how I can't possibly know how horrible birth is. The worst have been people asking if I "think I am better than them because I am choosing natural birth". So i'm here to set the record straight.

I most definitely do NOT think I am better than any mama who has chosen an epidural, a c-section, or a medicated labor. I respect any woman who has put her body through carrying these tiny babies, and getting through any kind of birth should be celebrated! I do not think I am a better mama, a more educated person, or holier-than-thou for choosing an unmedicated birth.

Next, I love modern medicine. Unlike a few other natural birth aficionados, my husband and I have nothing but respect and admiration for our healthcare team. As a nurse, I respect others who have chosen the healthcare field, and definitely do not think all of modern medicine is full of conspiracy and evil. I know these things happen in healthcare, but we have been very blessed with a healthcare team at Providence who are WONDERFUL, gifted and supportive. We have not chosen a home birth, nor do we feel that is the right choice for our particular situation. I have a number of health concerns including asthma, potential for a repeated eye rupture, and previous cardiac complications that necessitate me being in a hospital setting. It makes us feel very comfortable knowing we have a capable and caring team of individuals around who want the best for Emmersyn and I. I am thankful for oxygen, IV pumps, the ability to have a C-section in 5 minutes, and the ability for monitoring of our sweet girl.

I also love my doctor (in a non-creepy way). My husband and I have found a wonderful, Christian doctor who cares about our family and prays for our daughter. He takes time to make personal calls to us whenever Emmersyn has new scans or appointments, and we have never felt rushed, or hurried out the door. I think choosing a doctor is very important, and we feel great about our choice. I certainly trust his judgement. If a complication arises, we know he will give us the best, most appropriate options, and his openness to my birth plan is reassuring. I feel confident that, if I were unable to make medical decisions for myself, that our doctor would choose the best option with my husband.

I love the Bradley. Eating healthy, exercising, and learning to relax through the pain is incredibly inspiring and makes me feel calm and collected going into labor. My husband has been incredible supportive of this method and has done his part to learn the material and practice with me. That being said, we are not dead-set on a drug free birth. We want a healthy baby. If something happens and we can't have a natural birth, I will be sad but not heartbroken.

I am not obsessed with the Bradley, nor do I center my life around it. I pray for our daughter and for my strength during labor, and the Lord will deliver her however He would like. We can work hard and learn the material, but overall, the Lord is in control.

The absolute worst thing that I have heard involves speculation about how awful it would be if Emmersyn had special needs. Me having/not having electronic fetal monitoring, having/not vaccinations, or particular types of labor and somehow linking that to the "horror" of having a child with special needs is incredibly tacky to bring up. We have many friends and family members who have been blessed with children with special needs. What a dishonor we do them when we assume that we know the cause/prevention of their "new normal". I have done everything within my ability to protect our tiny daughter, and I will for her whole life! But I cannot control her having or not having special needs. We will love and embrace her no matter what. We had an 18 week ultrasound to determine her gender and they were able to check for Down's Syndrome. Her ultrasound was negative for Downs, clubfeet, and other heart defects, and we were thankful. And I admit, my heart stopped for a brief moment when I realized she could have any sort of handicap. But we love our daughter. She is ours, she is precious, and she is perfectly made.

"Having a child with special needs is NOT a tragedy. The tragedy would be raising a child who is cruel to someone with special needs". -Unknown

from working woman to...stay at home mommy?

it has always been my husband's and my dream for me to be able to stay at home and enjoy a full time "mommy-hood" lifestyle. we had it pretty mapped out; get out of student loan debt, i would quit my job, and be a full time mama...then two pink lines showed up and now we have our precious 3 lb 2 oz daughter almost in our arms. happened fast, and though we wouldn't change a thing, its changed our priorities. we are working hard to get out of debt, and have done a good job so far paying off absurdly high medical bills (my eye surgeries wiped us out for six months!), and staying away from excess debt by living simply and learning to budget. all that considered, we will be a one-income family for at least four months beginning in December. and let me tell you...being a two income family hasn't been extravagant, but it's downright cushy compared to a single income. hence, my newest journey, and the reason for the facelift to my blog... i'm learning how to be a stay at home mama, and also learning to cut back on expenses by becoming....an extreme couponer. yes, i said it! we've all been there haven't we? stuck behind the "crazy couponer" for 30 minutes behind the person in the checkout line with four inches of coupons clutched in their hands.

and now i'm about to become her.

my mom always taught us the value of a good deal when we were growing up, and she managed to run a household of 6 on a single income from my dad (something i find even more amazing as i begin to look at running a household of 3 on one income). even so, this is a whole new ballgame. i'm just starting out, so i'm beginning my "coupon binder" this week. there's like a whole new language to this couponing thing (words like BOGO and redplum and stacking make me want to quit before i have even started)...it's practically a job, it requires time and patience and a whole lot of organization to really accomplish anything more than a year's worth of excess pasta.

everyone has asked if i feel nervous about being a stay at home mom. to be honest...

i'm terrified. i couldn't be more thrilled about being with our tiny girl, i was a nanny for almost 8 years and am a nurse, so the idea of actually parenting a baby is not what i'm worried about. i've handled up to 16 kids on my own (that was a nightmare of a nannying job), and can change a diaper and soothe a baby like a pro. so unlike most first time mamas, the thought of a fever or screaming baby doesn't faze me. it's the "being home all the time" part. since high school, i have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. i am busy. constantly, unceasingly busy. i have always worked at least one job, sometimes up to four. i thrive on being busy. the thought of being home by myself with no one but this tiny, sleeping infant makes me want to nervously start creating "to-do" lists so i can stay busy. i'm sure i'll adjust, but i get panicky after one day off...hopefully couponing will take some of that excess time up...or i'll start watching daytime TV.

i always wanted to watch re-runs of Judge Judy :)