there is a misconception about being a band wife (or, in my case, almost wife). everyone thinks it must just be the most glamorous job in the world, that it's all free concerts and easy income and getting to meet everyone on the ccm A-list. when i met drew in april of 2008, over two years ago now, i honestly didn't know what this life was all about. it sure sounded fun...getting to travel all the time, VIP passes to every single show, travel and concerts and flying and road trips. what was there not to like? and then it began, and it, quite honestly, has been the hardest thing i have ever done. it's so much more than fun and travel and friends, though it is those things, it also means that some nights, i get phone calls that are just six minutes long. for the whole day. we have never been together on a year anniversary. we have missed each other's birthdays for what is about to be the fourth birthday. it means we have to sit down and review iCals over videochat so we can get a date night. it means drew never gets to go to church on Sundays, and it means every time i go out to dinner with friends, i'm the only one without a date. it means valentines day, i get to go out with my girlfriends, because my valentine is somewhere in South Carolina, unloading a trailer. i don't get flowers and date night every week. i am lucky if i get one once a month. i spend my evenings staying up late enough to hear his voice. it means falling asleep with the iPhone in your hand. some nights it honestly just doesnt seem like its ever going to be easier...there have been many times when drew and i hang up the phone just discouraged. ask any band wife...they will tell you we all have meltdown nights...times when it just isnt fair, when all you want is NORMAL. i was thinking about this the other day...

my Ring means something. sometimes i forget how hard it is for Drew. at least i get community here at home. i have friends and school and work and as lonely as it is for me...it must be a hundred times harder for him. but when he asked me to marry him, he asked me to marry all of it. all the lonely nights and travel and anniversaries alone. and honestly? i wouldnt trade a moment. it's been a difficult, joyous ride, and my goodness, he loves me. God is so faithful to keep us together because everything else has tried to tear us apart, sometimes almost succeeding.

and so, when i took that beautiful diamond and he slipped it on my finger...it meant Yes.
Yes to lonely nights and Yes to short phone calls and Yes to this rough season we are in.
isn't that what Jesus does for us? He looks at all the reasons why He would stop being our Beloved...and He still says Yes, I want you and i save you and I redeem you, and I give you my name.

Yes.

How thankful i am for my beloved, and moreover, for my Beloved.

a season of peace.

mark driscoll wrote a beautiful piece about women fighting fear, how men need to understand its a very real part of who we are, but also that its sin to fear and not trust God. drew and i have been going through alot of decisions since we decided not to get married this July. it changed alot, especially my housing situation and my job, and all kinds of variables. i have honestly been kind of sad most of the month...trying to adjust to not getting married, and wanting nothing more than to be in Florida on tour with Drew. it's definitely been hard to focus on working this summer instead of travelling and setting up our little home. i have had to fight fear even more than normal, and i have realized how sinful it is to not trust the Lord to work those details out. i'm thankful Drew encourages me to seek out the good in my situation and not focus on the bad aspects. He also encourages me to trust the Lord and not worry about how things will work out. They will. They always do. God is so faithful.

a fabulous piece of writing.

“I remember driving down I-45 a few months ago and suddenly realizing the number of signs that were screaming at me, signs wanting me to buy waterbeds, signs wanting me to watch girls take off their clothes, signs wanting me to eat Mexican food, to eat barbaque, backlit, scrolling signs wanting me to come to church, to join this gym, to see this movie, to finance a car, even if I have no money. And it hit me that, amid the screaming noise, amid the messages that said buy this product and I will be made complete, I could hardly know the life that was meant to be. Houston makes you feel that life is about the panic and the resolution of the panic, and nothing more. Nobody stops to question whether they actually need the house and the car and the better job. And because of this there doesn’t seem to be any peace; there isn’t any serenity. We can’t see the stars in Houston anymore, we can’t go to the beach without stepping on a Coke bottle, we can’t hike in the woods, because there aren’t any more woods. We can only panic about the clothes we wear, panic about the car we drive, sit stuck in traffic and panic about whether or not the guy who cut us off respects us. We want to kill him, for crying out loud, and all the while we feel a need for new furniture and a new television and a bigger house in the right neighborhood. We drive around in a trance, salivating for Starbucks while that great heaven sits above us, and that beautiful sunrise is happening in the desert, and all those mountains out West are collecting snow on the limbs of their pins, and all those leaves are changing colors out East. God, it is so beautiful, it is so quiet, it is so perfect. It makes you feel, perhaps for a second, that Paul gets it and we don’t — that if you live in a van and get up for sunrise and cook your own food on a fire and stop caring about whether your car breaks down or whether you have fashionable clothes or whether or not people do or do not like you, that you have broken through, that you have shut your ear to the bombardment of lies that never, ever stop whispering in your ear. And maybe this is why he seems so different to me, because he has become a human who no longer believes the commercials are true, which, perhaps is what a human was designed to be.

It makes sense, if you think about it. I mean we stood out in the desert this morning, and the chemicals in my brain poured soothingly through the gray matter, as if to massage with fingers the most tender part of my mind, as if to say, this is what a human is supposed to feel. This is what we were made for, to watch the beauty of light fill up earth’s canvas, to make dirt come alive; like fairy dust making trees and cacti and humans from the magic of it’s propulsion. It makes me wonder, now, how easily the brain can be tricked by somebody who has a used car to sell, a new perfume, whatever. ‘You will feel what you were made to feel if you buy this thing I am selling.’ But could the thing you and I were supposed to feel, the thing you and I were supposed to be, cost nothing? Paul seems to think so, or at least he acts as if this is true. He doesn’t want to stay in a hotel room and catch up on the news. He doesn’t want to rifle through the sports page and make sure the team he has associated his ego with is doing well. I don’t think he is trying to win anything at all. I just think he is trying to feel what a human is supposed to feel when he stops believing lies. And maybe when a person doesn’t buy the lies anymore, when a human stops long enough to realize the stuff people say to get us to part with our money often isn’t true, we can finally see the sunrise, smell the wetness in a Gulf breeze, stand in awe at a downpour no less magnificent than a twenty-thousand-foot waterfall, ten square miles wide, wonder at the physics of a duck paddling itself across the surface of a pond, enjoy the reflection of the sun on the face of the moon, and know, ‘This is what I was made to do. This is who I was made to be,’ that life is being given to me as a gift, that light is a metaphor, and God is doing these things to dazzle us.”- donald miller

already counting down the days

Yes, I am fully aware that Drew's tour has just started..but i'm already counting down the days until its done! :) Not that I don't want him out on the road, because i LOVE the guys he is working with, and the income is definitely helping out our steep little bills! but i am definitely ready to see him again :) This tour has definitely been testing us as a couple, as we are trying to use the newly discovered skills that the past month and craziness have given us...we are working hard at staying connected and seeking ways to serve each other on this tour, and already it's made a gigantic difference. i have found i am more relaxed, able to focus on my schoolwork, and finding creative ways to fill my time. he has been calling frequently, throughout the day, and it has just made such a difference. not that he never called before, but i have been making an effort to really listen to him, and about his day and what is going on, even if i don't understand exactly what an amp or an LED wall mean. The guys he is out with are just fabulous. Chris, Conrad, their sweet wives, and the crew are talented, sweet and supportive. I got to say hello to them today over video and i love times like that, because i would give anything to be out to these shows! i have been keeping really busy with school but have been making almost solid straight A's! I am really thankful to the Lord for granting me energy, especially since I have been battling sickness most of the term. I'm still not 100%, but I am sleeping in tomorrow, so hopefully that will boost me up a little. I have been working loooong hours at work, swamped and overwhelmed to be honest, but trying to focus on being productive. definitely have been convicted by the Lord to not complain, so i try my best to just do good work and not whine about it. I really do love my job, my coworkers and my boss. They are incredibly flexible and supportive, and i don't know how i would survive school without them and their working around my schedule. As school is winding down, I willl be working up to 40-45 hours weeks from 30 hour weeks. Whew! I am thankful for the income, though. Bills seem to be growing like weeds, but thank the Lord Drew and I both have jobs and i havent starved...yet ;-) This month and last brought lots of health bills, medications and inhalers and etc...set me back a total of around $200.00, but we had enough to cover it and i am thankful for the lord's provision. He never fails!

I am really excited about Wonderment, my publicity company, and the work I am doing for an artist. It's wonderful extra income and it's really what I love. lots on the horizon for my artist, and for me as a company! Lots of fun news to come about my writing as well. I am thankful!

That's all for now, i'm sleepy...

tour dates, date night, and working late

since we have announced our wedding and life changes...people have been nothing but overwhelmingly supportive. how blessed i have been to have many, many friends send me sweet texts and messages and take me out to lunch. i am blessed with wonderful girls who love Jesus and are praying for us. i'm thankful.

today, drew starts a long run with Chris and Conrad...he's in nashville today. i need to run to the store after work and make his tour laminate! i make him a new one every tour, it's a plastic photo and note that goes around his neck, behind his tour pass. it's become a neat way for me to serve him by making one and for him to carry it around with him all the time on tour. (we both win :) i'm so proud of the way he protects our relationship by being so careful to keep thing above board while on tour. we recently heard about a marriage destroyed by infidelity, and it encouraged us even more to be guarded about our faithfulness to each other. my non christian coworkers were shocked when i mentioned today that i don't worry about drew on tour. one said, flippantly, "well, we know what he probably does on the weekends when he 'says' hes "working". i just looked at him and said "yeah, i do know what he does, because he IS working!" they didn't know how to react; simply stating how it would be "impossible" to not sleep with women on the road. I was shocked that they thought that was normal, but i guess thats just me. Drew is so careful on tour; even not taking photos with any girls, and he wears a ring on his left hand. I'm so proud and thankful of the way he is so quick to discuss any awkward situation or anything with me, right up front. because of that, i never question him on the road.

i am blessed by his heart.

a letter to our friends and family about our wedding

To all our friends and family-

We love you all and want to share some news with all of you. We wish we were able to share this with you in person, but there simply isn’t enough time to talk to all the people we love!

The life of a guy on tour isn’t easy, and it means time apart for us much of the time. Equally, nursing school requires immense amounts of time and studying, and the time we have been able to spend with each other is so limited. Having a date night every two months means that for the other 60 days in between, everything has to be over the phone. Long distance without consistent time together created stresses and issues on top of planning a wedding.

We have, after much prayer and counsel, decided to cancel our July wedding. It was coming so quickly, and though we were excited and we have been engaged for a year, we only had spent about 5 weeks of that time together. We really need time to focus on the Lord, on our relationship with each other, and involving our families before we step forward into the new journey of marriage. That being said, we are still committed to each other and to what the Lord has for us, though we have not set another date. We truly covet your prayers as we seek the Lord and fight for this relationship; and also prayer for finances and travel to enable time together. We are excited and hopeful as we now get to relearn how to really value each other and prioritize the Lord first and foremost. We are confident that He will carry us through whatever challenges will come with the distance and stresses of touring and school, and that He will hold us together in His will.

Soli Deo gloria.

We love you all dearly and are so thankful for your presence in our lives!
All our love,
Drew and Grace

Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone